Are you a survivor of sexual abuse during childhood, just like at least every third woman and every seventh man? A survivor of the lowest and darkest possible expression of the human species?
Almost nobody speaks about it, but it happens every second, in all parts of the world, even in families where you would never expect it. Survivors are everywhere, but mostly they hide behind solid walls of shame, fear, and guilt.
It is the most repressed theme of our time and, yet, the biggest disaster of humanity. It affects countless lives, directly and indirectly.
The term “survivor” makes perfect sense. No matter how dangerous the situation was, regardless if it was violent or subtle and under the guise of affection, the consequences and impacts of sexual abuse in childhood are always devastating.
It destroys every feeling of self-love and worthiness inside a child for a very long time, and sometimes for life.
The journey of healing begins at the point where the repression ends and the truth finally reveals itself, sometimes in the tiniest baby steps.
As a faithful companion of a survivor, I have witnessed such a healing process at close range for many years and, sometimes, I cannot believe how much grace and hardship at the same time it involves.
One thing that made it so much harder than necessary were all the different harmful and loveless messages from toxic family members, so-called “friends”, bad therapists, and society in general.
That’s why I am writing this text. I want to reach out to you and share some healing messages from the bottom of my heart, hoping that they resonate with the deepest core of your beautiful soul.
Yes, it is a healing journey of deep pain, despair, and frightening body sensations, and yet, it is so worth it to go through this.
Often, you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and think about giving up, but the longer you travel and the braver you are about allowing all the repressed feelings to surface, the more wholeness, peace, and true joy come back to you.
And this diamond of inner awareness and compassion is something that a “normal” person without such a process could never reach.
Healing is possible, no matter what your story is.
Your soul is powerful enough to heal this.
Take back your life. Re-inhabit your body. Love yourself. Break free.
I know, this sounds so much easier than it is. It is the biggest challenge a soul can experience here on Earth because it affects everything.
You need so much patience, so much patience.
Years of repression and protection from your real feelings force you to take baby steps most of the time. The truth seems to resemble a difficult puzzle. The more memories emerge from your subconscious, the more puzzle pieces you have and the more you recognize the whole picture.
Then, slowly, you take back your life. Your body becomes your friend again: you come home to yourself.
Step by step, you learn to connect with your inner child and realize how lovable and innocent he or she is. It was not your fault, no matter what happened, no matter how the circumstances were. Even if you also felt some kind of sexual arousal; that’s a normal protective reaction of the body.
Believe me, it was not your fault. That was just the excuse, the mind-control of the perpetrator and all the people who didn’t help you. It was easier for you to take on the guilt than to feel so utterly helpless, alone and abashed.
But now, as an adult, you can unmask this terrible lie and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
With a radical acceptance of your feelings and the increasing trust in your perceptions, your worthiness and self-love slowly return.
Your biggest task is to believe in the messages of your body and not in the chatter of your internalized “guards”, who saved your life by repressing and trivializing the truth.
Feeling is healing. All the emotions, the fear, sadness, shock, anger, shame and helplessness had been “frozen” on a cellular level, because it wasn’t possible to face these feelings as a child.
Feel it now, allow each feeling that arises, even if it seems like it will never end. It will end. It will settle down when the truth of your body is told, layer after layer. The only way out is through.
With every tear you cry, with every scream you permit your tight throat to set free, and with every cathartic release of your tensed muscles, you break away from the invisible prison of the abuser.
You can end this state of mere surviving and finally start to LIVE. You can learn to honor and enjoy your sexuality as a natural unfolding of your sensuality in an atmosphere of mutual love and trust, which you deserve so much.
Believe me, the universe is just waiting for you to rise like a phoenix from the ashes. It wants you to unfold the unique and radiant blossom in your heart chakra every day more.
Please know that the deepest core of your soul was never hurt.
Healing means to find your way back to this inviolate essence, despite all the inner or outer wounds.
With your healing, you create an energetic pathway of hope for so many other desperate souls who have just started their journey.
And with each of these courageous souls, the toxic cycle of abuse and violence slowly but steadily dissolves.
Each survivor who dares to heal by facing and transforming the darkness should be celebrated as a warrior of light.