So many spiritual teachers preach it, so many therapists insist on it, so many books are written about the importance of it: Forgiveness.
“You finally have to forgive or your wounds will never heal.”
“If you cannot forgive him, your heart will always stay frozen.” “They gave their best; you shouldn’t be so unforgiving. Finally leave your past behind.”
“The first step in your healing process is forgiveness; otherwise, you create new, bad karma.”
“Meditate, focus your mind, think positive, and don’t take your feelings so seriously; then, you will be able to forgive and free yourself.”
“Without forgiveness, you will stay stuck forever, and your fury will poison you from within.”
“God wants you to forgive.”
This is complete and utter bullshit.
Because there is nothing more destructive in a healing process than a forced, false and early sense of forgiveness. So many people suffer because of it, putting their own heart under pressure.
Forgiveness is the last possible step on this journey and not the first.
The first step is the unconditional acceptance of ALL feelings.
Learning to listen to your body again, trusting your own perception, starting to finally love yourself.
And: to forgive YOURSELF.
Before the sadness, the anger, and the disappointment of your inner child isn’t allowed and really felt from yourself, there can be no real forgiveness. It is simply not possible.
False forgiveness is only a concept of the mind; it doesn’t help anyone - neither the victim nor the perpetrator.
It’s a lie, an illusion.
A frozen and restricted heart full of repressed emotions isn’t able to really forgive.
A freed and healed heart automatically feels the longing to forgive one day on the level of the soul. It wants to spread the compassion you have developed for yourself out into the world.
But true forgiveness has nothing to do with trivializing, taking away the responsibility and forgetting the things that happened. The memories will, maybe, stay forever, though not as intense and painful, but as a wound that has scarred.
True forgiveness is more a release, an allowing of a higher divine perspective, a compassionate handing over of the darkness to the light so that it can be transformed.
If you think you will never be able to truly forgive, please don’t worry. You are absolutely okay and absolutely loved. Be gentle with yourself.
You don’t HAVE to forgive. There are things on this earth, so cruel and so dark that they maybe cannot and shouldn’t be forgiven.
To ever truly forgive such deeds, it at least requires true regret, true assumption of responsibility and a true plea for forgiveness on the other side.
God is wise enough to know that only true forgiveness serves our universe; he is surely not a fan of fake feelings. God trusts in your heart and in your authenticity.
Just be honest with yourself. What do you really feel in your heart?
Your truth wants to be embraced.