You are afraid of your anger, my friend.
It is hidden so deep inside of you.
In this state it makes you feel stuck, unable to speak the truth, unable to move.
It keeps you away from life, from joy, from love.
You associate anger with threat and punishment, because it was the experience in your childhood. It is a deep belief on a cellular level.
So, you try to ignore or fight it. But it can't simply disappear, it needs your radical acceptance for its transformation.
It wants to unfold itself in your whole body, like a vibration, telling you the story of your wounds.
It was never allowed to be expressed or even felt. This would have been too dangerous as a child. All the others, the parents, the grandparents, the teachers, the other kids, whoever, they were allowed to be angry, but not YOU.
You had to be careful, well-behaved and quiet.
I wish you the courage to finally allow your anger.
You have no idea, how good this feels. When the first fear melts away, and you access the power that was always hidden behind your anger.
It is just a feeling, it doesn't want to destroy, it just wants to be allowed, without the need to hurt anyone or anything. Repressed anger is the true risk. Healthy anger just wants to help you to free yourself. To be yourself.
I dream that one day there will be anger-rooms and anger-groups in every city, offering people a safe, soundproof and loving surrounding to feel and let out all their anger.
Imagine coming out of such a room, your heart beating faster and stronger. Your blood flowing more freely through the veins, carrying all the dark stuck energies out of your body.
Your cheeks glowing, your eyes shining, a slightly sassy smile on your face. Feeling like a newborn. Feeling alive.
You say: “But I prefer lifting my spirit through meditation, so that I can always react with compassion, gentleness and forgiveness, instead of having to go through all these scary emotions.”
Yes, finding peace and mindfulness in meditation is wonderful.
But it is only one part of the journey, only one part of the work.
We are not only souls, we are human beings in the here and now. And human beings have feelings.
They are there.
They never vanish through meditation. It is just soothing.
We learn our lessons through the intensity of our feelings, and through dealing with this. Not through hiding from it in the white space.
I know so many spiritual people, who claim to have found inner peace, but their faces are so full of repressed anger and sadness, that I want to cry full of compassion.
And at the same time I want to shout: “Finally let it out! Stop fooling yourself!”
Embrace your anger and find your power, my friend. Just try it out.