DAILY VISUAL QUOTE
Some words that can help soften tension
"I can see why you feel that way."
"Ouch. That one really hurt."
"I’m not sure how right I am about this."
"What you’re saying makes a lot of sense."
"I know we’re not agreeing on much right now -
but I’m still on your side.“
It can be easy for things to spin out of control during an argument.
It can be so easy to become fixated on being right and to say/do things that bring forth the disconnection we fear most.
Our brains are extremely patterned.
And when we become highly activated/triggered, our internal alarm bells go off and alert us to either fight, flee, or freeze.
One of the most supportive offerings we can do when we start to become flooded is to speak words that can slightly soften our own intensity.
If we have become too flooded, then we might need to take a short break and come back to doing this.
However, if we can catch ourselves right before we have hit our limit, then we might benefit from using certain phrases to reduce the level of stress in ourselves, and in our partner.
We can soften conflict by including a tiny bit of vulnerability in our approach.
Sharing a part of our thought process “out loud” can be extremely disarming for our partner.
"Hmmm. I don’t really know if I’m actually right about this.“
"I’ve approached you in this way before and it hasn’t really worked so well.“
"I really don’t want to admit that you’re actually a little right about this.“
"I’m really mad at myself for how I just approached you."
One of the most helpful things I sometimes say to my partner when I feel hurt during an argument is "I don’t really know if you can actually help me with this."
In a strange way, saying that frees both of us from having to immediately do something.
It puts a break on having to come up with a solution.
It give me the space to let go of the control or "answer" I desperately long for in those moments.
It gives us time to re-connect and feel into where we both actually are.
Something powerful can sometimes happen when we reveal our inner process to another, when we can offer our thoughts objectively, when we are willing to show the very parts that we usually hide and keep for only ourselves.
Sorry that the website was not available the last two days due to some technical problems.
Here we go again! ❤️
Some of us ran so far away
during a period of survival,
that we forgot to come back
home to ourselves.
Return home to yourself.
You are safe now.
Your emotions are
a guidance system for you.
Pay attention to the way
that you are feeling
is a very powerful
No one is going to love you
exactly like you imagine.
No one is ever going to read your mind
and take every star from the sky
at the perfect time
and hand it to you.
No one is going to show up
at your door on a horse,
with a shoe you lost.
Do you understand?
That’s why you have to
love yourself enough,
so that any other love
just adds more candles to
the cake you’ve already iced.
A letter to my inner child
Dear little one,
Your eyes see differently than me
And yet you are me
And we’re apart
Because you are a part of me that I can never deny
Here I am, a grown woman. And yet there I go sometimes, falling into you or perhaps you flood into me
And we’re 6 again and we’re scared
And nobody likes to be scared
But I know now, it’s in those moments that you need me most
It’s in your darkest fears that you need me to be with you
That it’s in our togetherness, huddled in the terror that we transform it with our connection and my endless love for you
I know now it’s you calling to me through my suffering, that you’ve been trying to get my attention for many years and I didn’t know how to listen
I hear you now
I understand your urgency and intensity, true powerlessness is known only to children.
You need me. And you can’t un-need me.
And so the only option is to take responsibility for your well-being little one, like the others couldn’t before.
I didn’t want to for a while, I was too angry or perhaps that was you too...
But I want to, I am ready to now
Because I am finally capable of accepting all of you, whereas I honestly couldn’t before. Your pain was too overwhelming and I just wanted you gone.
And I’m sorry for that.
I know that hurt you and made the pain worse.
I am ready to acknowledge your pain and be with you in it.
In our sacred little space that only you and me know.
I will be with 𝘢𝘭𝘭 of you, 𝘯𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵.
I know this is what love is now.
But it took me some time to learn.
All of you is welcome
All of me accepts you
All of us is the safest connection in the world and the deepest medicine our souls have always needed.
Thank you for your sweet medicine little one.
Life wanted you here…
You came here for a purpose
that was mighty and noble.
You have a right to take up space.
You have a right to be treated
with dignity and respect.
(Katherine Woodward Thomas)
You are allowed to take up space.
Own who you are and what you want for yourself.
Stop downplaying the things you care about,
the hopes you have.
Own your passions, your thoughts, your perceptions.
Own your fire.
Stop putting your worth in the hands of others;
stop letting them decide your value.
Own saying no, saying yes.
Own your mood, your feelings.
Own your plans, your path, your success.
What is your commitment?
What is your inner vow?
For which aspect of your soul
would you give your life
rather than to betray it?
Here is mine:
I will always keep my heart open.
I will always stay vulnerable.
I will always allow my heart
to spread and receive love.
No matter how many people hurt me, no matter how many knives I have to pull out of my heart, no matter how often I have to recover after an emotional letdown, no matter how many protective walls around my heart, that I build up in shock, I have to tear down again.
I will tear them down.
Each attack only makes me stronger, leading me to greater self-love and love.
Till one day, my intuition and my strong boundaries are so well developed through all this trial and error, that my heart feels safe with me and I feel safe with my heart.
If someone would force me to choose:
“You can now decide to finally close your heart, admit that it is too dangerous to trust and to be vulnerable; otherwise I will kill you.”
I would answer: “Then kill me.”
I would prefer this one last second of being authentic and openhearted, rather than living maybe forty years in a state of separation and dullness, being buried alive.
No one will ever be able to close my heart.
That's why I am here.
That's what I can teach you.
That's the most precious gift I have to offer you.
What is your gift?
What is your commitment?
What can you teach me?
On Mothering Yourself
- Validate your feelings and emotions
- Pay attention to your needs and honor them
- Give yourself permission to be imperfect
- Offer yourself support, care, and nurturance
- Notice all you are already doing so, so well
- Delight in small moments of joy and connection
- Be tender with your own heart
- Allow yourself to set and maintain boundaries
- Affirm your own existence as a human being
- Approach yourself with deep curiosity
- Remind yourself of your worth, over and over
Things falling apart is a kind of testing
and also a kind of healing.
We think that the point is to pass the test
or to overcome the problem,
but the truth is that things
don’t really get solved.
They come together and they fall apart.
Then they come together again
and fall apart again. It’s just like that.
The healing comes from letting there be
room for all of this to happen:
room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.
I want you to know that before
you learned to not trust yourself
you knew exactly how to.
There will be people, events,
and experiences that strip you of
your intuition and your deep
But what once was known
can be remembered.
Too alien for earth,
too human for outer space.
I've learned that people
will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
Creativity is the way
I share my soul
with the world.
We have created a video version of our newest meditation "SAFE IN THIS MOMENT":
a VISUAL GUIDED MEDITATION.
It is in HD quality and lasts about 30 minutes, so we have started a REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE - Channel on Youtube to publish it there:
The advantage is that you can add it to your playlist & share it from there if you think it might also help a loved one during these challenging times.
It's very soothing and the beautiful imagery helps to develop a loving acceptance of ALL feelings & to reconnect with the soul.
We hope that you enjoy watching it as much as we have enjoyed creating it.
There's more to come...
Sending you all much love ❤️
Verena & Alex
WAYS TO HEAL YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM
- Cold Exposure:
15-30 seconds cold showers
3-5 minutes of intentional breathing
(many different styles + options
available via youtube)
- Spend 20 minutes completely disconnected
from technology within nature
- Yoga (+ other mind-body exercises)
fill a glass with water + gargle
for 2 minutes to stimulate your vagus nerve
place boundaries around what you consume +
who you spend time with based on how
your nervous system is impacted
- Sit across from a partner or something
you trust. Place your hands on each other’s
hearts + take 3 deep slow inhales
(from lower belly) + slow exhales
prioritizing sleep, turning off screens
an hour before bed
Trauma is stored in the body.
Our sympathetic nervous system is our fight or fight response.
When our sympathetic nervous system is activated our body feels like we are in true danger.
For many of us, who live with stress, we have chronic sympathetic nervous system activation.
Sympathetic nervous system activation leaves us highly reactive, on edge, + unable to take in new information.
If you’ve ever seen another person (or yourself) 'overreacting‘ - what you’re actually witnessing is a nervous system state.
Many of us are stuck here.
One of the most important parts of how trauma impacts our nervous system comes from our vagus nerve.
The vagus nerve begins at the brain + connects to every organ within the body.
There is communication highway at every second of every day.
The vagus nerve plays a major role in activating our parasympathetic nervous system.
The parasympathetic nervous system is our rest + digest response.
When we are in our parasympathetic nervous system, we feel relaxed, socially connected, at peace, creative, + able to take in new information without feeling threatened.
In order to stimulate our vagus nerve (+ access this parasympathetic state) we need to practice.
We need to teach our body this safety.
The quickest way to feel this activation without your body is to engage in 3 deep slow breaths + very slow exhales.
Sit for a minute afterwards + feel the difference.
Practice every day.
Build your peace.
We all want the magic fix + it’s an illusion.
Baby steps, repetition, + commitment heals.
(Dr. Nicole LePera)
We need to stop using "sensitive"
as an insult or criticism if we want
sensitivity to be valued and
recognized for what it is:
a quality that is essential to a healthy,
compassionate human society.
I like stormy nights
and full moons.
I like wolves and wild water.
I like to wander
and I like adventures.
I like unpredictable kisses
and conversations full
of unexpected truth.
I like things that have the soul.
They make me feel free.