I like messy people;
people who don’t fit in a box
or stay between the lines,
but whose integrity is greater
than any rule book
and whose loyalty
is stronger than blood.
I offer you peace.
I offer you love.
I offer you friendship.
I see your beauty.
I hear your need.
I feel your feelings.
My wisdom flows from the Highest Source.
I salute that Source in you.
Let us work together for unity and love.
Sit in the darkness
if you want to feel better.
'Cause there is no other way
out of this mess.
Be still and feel until you can’t tell
where you begin and shadow ends.
It will scare you with depth and
spook you with glory.
Let it show you a new way,
and a stronger, softer, more
Common misconceptions about boundaries:
1. Believing they are to control others
2. Believing they are for the other person
to obey you
3. Believing they are an ultimatum or threat
4. Believing people who have them
5. Believing people should just know
how to treat you without you communicating
what you need or want
These are just some, not all common misconceptions about setting boundaries.
A few other misconceptions are that they’re not possible to set with individuals with high narcissistic qualities and that is incorrect.
With those individuals you need to strongly uphold what you’ve set by setting and resetting firmer ones AND IF THEY CONTINUE to disrespect, neglect or dismiss what you’ve set then the next firmer boundary is always to discontinue communication, block, delete, limit your exposure.
Boundaries are for you and about what YOU need and want.
They’re communicated on behalf of yourself to respect yourself!
Not everyone will be willing or capable of respecting them and that’s ok, then they’re not meant to be near and dear and have that access to you then.
Boundaries are not threats, manipulation or ultimatums.
They’re not to control others as they do not remove ones free will choice to decide what they want to do for themselves.
Yes, obviously we set expectations for certain individuals holding them to a perceived standard and when they aren’t open or willing to meet that standard we get upset and want to control and fix them.
This is where respecting your needs and wants has to far outweigh what others are choosing for their lives.
There’s a good chance
you’re operating on a lie
someone told you about yourself.
How much of your negative self-view
is just an accumulation of
other people’s projections?
(Dr. Vassilia Binensztok)
I’m too busy dancing
with my imagination
to even tip toe
with reality for a second.
(D. Antoinette Foy)
Nothing ever goes away
until it has taught us
what we need to know.
Even if we run a hundred miles an hour
to the other side of the continent,
we find the very same problem
awaiting us when we arrive.
When you are dismissed for
sharing your trauma, it’s not because
they’re afraid of your story,
it’s because they’re afraid of theirs.
If you’re doing trauma work, you know the work we are doing becomes a lifestyle.
We have hit rock bottom, or close to it, and are now learning to rebuild.
With each new layer of self-discovery, we are finding the way our life operated, no longer works which is how we ended up with our feet dangling at rock bottom to begin with.
We are so vulnerable in this place.
It is completely normal (and beautiful frankly) to want to be connected to the people you are most familiar with.
Many, if not most, will experience resistance from those people as they share their trauma.
If we have been part of a family, a group, or any type of culturally connected circle, then chances are your story is not unfamiliar to them.
The difference though: You are choosing to address yours.
If your story threatens the life someone else has built to protect themselves from knowing their own trauma, not only will they rewound us by rejecting our story, but they will rearrange the story to fit their narrative so they can remain safe.
Is their safe healthy? No. It’s denial.
But, that is their choice and this should have no bearings on you continuing down your path.
The level of scapegoating and spiritual bypassing is staggering.
This is where I become unapologetic.
There is too much healing needed to stop, debate and try and convince someone where you are coming from.
They’re not willing and this is where your story becomes about the energy you’re spending explaining yourself to them.
So, please continue. Be gracious to them, but continue to pursue your wholeness with no apology to how it makes someone else feel.
Their feelings are their responsibility and their lack of connection has no role in you being the best damn cycle breaker you can be.
be so committed
to your growth
you’re willing to say
no without guilt and
yes without fear.
May we change the systems creating
symptoms instead of pathologizing the
individuals carrying them.
May we be willing to have hard
May we stop choosing the easy thing
over the right thing.
May we all do this with as much
compassion as possible.
Here is the test to find
whether your mission on Earth
if you're alive, it isn't.
Perhaps healing ourselves
isn’t just an act of self-care
but a humanitarian one.
let’s stop playing the trauma olympics.
the shit you’ve been through
that’s impacting you today? it matters.
it doesn’t matter if someone else
"had it worse". comparing yourself
to others never helps you attend to
the parts of you that are dying to be seen.
noticed. held. loved.
we all have the capacity to help each other,
but not if we neglect ourselves.
not if we say "well that thing I went through
that’s gnawing at me daily wasn’t really
that bad". not if we ignore the weight of
our feelings as they quietly demand
to be felt.
The only people
who appreciate a doormat
are people with dirty shoes.
Having compassion and empathy
for why someone behaves
the way they do
based on their experiences,
never means you have to tolerate
the behavior or hold space for it.
You can absolutely have compassion
and set a boundary.
This is what it means to also
have compassion for yourself.
Breathe in trees.
Soak in the warmth
of this sun
to your silent cells.
You are here.
Coax yourself into
your wanting body
I will tell you now why I am quite a happy and vibrant human being. Of course I have bad, dark moments and struggles like everyone, but after many years of processing and inner work, I feel at home in myself. I love myself.
So, are you ready for my “secret”?
I ended any contact with my toxic parents.
I said NO.
I needed years to take that step, trying everything to find a way. Trying to communicate with mutual respect, to get through to them, to continue loving them.
“If only I could find the right words, if only I could reduce the intensity of my feelings, if only I could convince them to accept MY version of the story.”
But I couldn't. No chance. There was no one to speak to.
Just two hiding, terrified and furious little children, who developed into loveless adults and toxic parents: for themselves and for me.
“But they had toxic childhoods themselves, I have to be compassionate with them. They gave their best.”
No, they didn't. And this realization was the key to my freedom, to my life. They didn't give their best.
They chose the more comfortable way of not taking responsibility for their wounds, for their feelings, but instead simply passing them on energetically to the next generation, to the next innocent child, to me.
Suddenly I knew, that there was only one way to break this toxic blueprint after all these insane generations:
I had to allow myself to FEEL.
I had to allow myself to EXPRESS my feelings.
I had to allow myself to LOVE myself.
I had to allow myself to REMEMBER who I am.
I had to allow myself to say NO to everything and everyone which kept me away from that.
Maybe this sounds simple, but it was not. I had moments of emotional release, where I thought I would die.
It felt like jumping into a black hole. As if my body would collapse without any life-force left in it. It felt as if I could fill oceans with my tears. As if I could kill someone just with my screaming.
While going through all this, I tried to be the loving mother and father for my own terrified and furious inner child.
The mother and father which I would have deserved when I was a real child. The parents I always projected on my real parents.
Just an illusion.
But in myself, it wasn't an illusion. It was real.
The unconditional love my parents never gave me was there, in the middle of my chest, in my heart.
And in this heart I could find forgiveness after a long time.
A forgiveness more on the level of the soul, where everything makes sense, than on the level of the human being.
I can see the beautiful divine essence of my parents, like in everyone; but I also see the ugly, destructive, and cold personalities they live through here on earth.
I allow my inner child to feel the anger about what they did, and what they did not do. It was their choice. It was free will. I cannot rescue them. And I don't want to rescue them anymore. I let them go in peace, in clarity.
I know that one day, probably after many other lives, they will find their way back to their lovable, loving souls.
Because they are love, they have just forgotten it.
I consider my parents as the catapult which brought me into this incarnation. They are not my true family. I chose them because I had to learn certain lessons, and they also wanted me to teach them certain lessons.
By saying NO to the unhealthy patterns of my parents I have been able to find my true family, my soul-family. In this family, love doesn't set conditions and shrinks, but it feels warm and expansive.
You wouldn't believe how much healthier, brighter and happier I am since I decided to protect myself radically from the poisonous energy of my parents.
I am more aware, more present, more grateful, more compassionate, more joyful, more loving.
It is such a societal taboo to say this, but it is the truth.
So many people believe they have to honor and love their parents unconditionally, simply repressing all the pain they have suffered. They pay such a high price for that: they sacrifice their own life. And the toxic cycle continues...
The earth is such a crazy place, because all these billions of terrified and furious inner children run around headless and heartless, searching and demanding unconditional love where it cannot be found. They glorify the parents with every cell in their bodies, because it hurts too much to face that they never loved unconditionally. Searching for this love then in relationships, jobs, drugs, alcohol, sports, sex, fun, distraction, TV, in all kinds of addiction.
But it cannot be found there.
It is inside of you. Waiting for you.
Only by loving yourself you can make the earth a better place.