Be gentle with yourself,
you’re clearing patterns,
beliefs and trauma
from your parents,
your grandparents and
your great grandparents
who most likely never
faced the inner 'demons'
that you’re courageously
willing to face
head on right now.
Chances are there have been some
ineffective patterns and beliefs around
relationships, money, sex, health, love,
emotional/mental health and more that
have been passed on from generation
to generation in your family.
And that is all ending with YOU.
So if you’re doing the inner work,
don’t forget to take a deep breath and
truly acknowledge yourself because
what you’re doing is not easy.
WHY YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
Look at yourself in the mirror and at first perhaps you will feel disgust and shame because that's what you were taught to feel. But allow yourself to feel disgust and shame, and know they are not 'you', only feelings moving. And let thoughts appear in the mind like 'ugly' and 'fat' and 'bad' and 'broken' and know that they are just words, and familiar, and old. Let the mind chatter away and feel your feelings too.
You can love yourself by also loving the part that doesn't love yet, or trust yet.
Allowing all of you to be reflected now.
Begin to see yourself through the eyes of a loving mother who sees you as precious even if you have pimples or deformities or rashes or birthmarks, even if you have half a face or missing limbs. You have to see yourself through these bigger eyes, eyes of pure loving attention, eyes that do not judge but allow judgements too. Your eyes have been too small up until now. You were taught by people who hated themselves and you got infected.
Until you looked at yourself today.
And the medicine now is naked, choiceless attention; being as spacious as the mirror itself, making room for thoughts and feelings but not mistaking them for the truth. Your beauty lies in your willingness to feel, and see beyond the labels. Hold the totality of the image the way the mirror holds it; not resisting, not hiding, not shaming, not trying to adapt yourself to some second-hand idea of beauty or perfection.
Your imperfections are so perfect in this light; your wrinkles and blotches a work of divine art, fascinating and real, and so human.
See. And in the seeing, allow yourself to be seen.
You are beautiful, without changing a thing;
beauty is not earned.
You’re going to realize it one day -
that happiness was never about your job,
or your degree, or being in a relationship.
Happiness was never about following in
the footsteps of all of those who
came before you, it was never about
being like the others.
One day, you’re going to see it -
that happiness was always about
the discovery, the hope, the listening
to your heart and following it
wherever it chose to go.
Happiness was always about being kinder
to yourself, it was always about embracing
the person you were becoming.
One day, you will understand.
That happiness was always about learning
how to live with yourself, that happiness
was never in the hands of other people.
It was always about you.
It was always about you.
I hope this year is teaching you how to let go.
I hope this year is teaching you how to see things differently.
I hope you learn how to let go of everyone’s opinion of your life, because there is no universally correct way to live a life that is solely your own. Every human being has different goals, and different views as to what happiness is. People will judge you, the world will try to change you, but if you allow for that to alter your path you’re going to end up living someone else’s life.
Make your life your own.
I hope you learn how to let go of your tendency to favor being cool, over being connected. We often protect ourselves from seeming too eager or too interested, we hold our feelings back because we don’t want to seem overly emotional or tender. We silence our instincts, we bankrupt our souls, and at the end of the day we feel alone.
Remember - there is nothing wrong with vulnerability, with being human, with unhinging your ribcage and sharing your heart with this world.
Remember - there is beauty to be found in being the person who cares. So care.
I hope you learn how to let go of a love that won’t love you back, because you deserve to be chosen. And the truth is - there are so many breathtaking people in this world who will choose you, people who have the potential to create within you something that is foundational, something that drives and inspires you to be a better person.
Open yourself up to them; defend the kind of love you deserve.
But most of all, I hope you learn how to let go of the idea that it’s too late. It is never too late to change your life. It is never too late to become the person you have always hoped you could be, or to love the way you have always wanted to love.
We often forget that we are not bound by our past. We don’t have to be who we were a year ago, we don’t have to make the same mistakes we did when we were younger; we can want different things, we can grow. We have to believe that we are never too old, never too jaded, and never too broken to take our first steps towards change.
We wake up every single day with the ability to start fresh - it is never too late to take advantage of that.
It is never too late.
What a strange irony it is
that in so many cultures
feeling your feelings
is equated with weakness.
There is nothing that
makes you stronger
than being willing
to face and process
No matter what you do, or which
boundaries you set or don’t set,
there will always be someone
who is going to judge you.
It’s impossible to make everyone happy.
At the end of the day, relationships
with people come and go.
The only relationship that will always
be your constant is the one you have
So if you want to make decisions
for someone, make them for you.
For your values. For your feelings.
For your life.
As a child, if you felt unseen, unheard,
neglected, or abandoned by your caregivers,
now is your time to tend to, support, and
show up for your inner child.
Not just once. Over and over again.
When you learn to reconnect with your inner child, it’s crucial that you continue to check-in with her and show up for her. Your words need to be followed by actions.
It can’t just be a one-time event. That’s not enough to heal your inner child.
Think about it:
How would you feel if someone asked you, “What do you need from me right now?” and you said, “I need a cup of chamomile tea please...” and they said, “Sure! I’ll get you a cup.” and they just disappeared and never came back?
Or, they came back with a cup of tea and made you feel really supported, but never gave a damn about you or cared to check on you ever again after that?
Your inner child knows what she needs. But she needs to feel safe with you first before she opens up and shows you her wounds + what will heal her.
She needs to trust that you will show up for her every single time. That you won’t disappear on her like your caregivers did. And that you have the time and patience for her.
She needs to experience consistency in your relationship with her. She needs to believe that it’s okay for her to come out and play and that you’ll stick around.
She needs to trust that her wounds won’t scare you and that her pure innocence, joy, craziness, quirkiness and uniqueness are welcome.
All of her is loved.
Many people, especially ignorant people,
want to punish you for speaking the truth,
for being correct, for being you.
Never apologize for being correct,
or for being years ahead of your time.
If you’re right and you know it,
speak your mind. Speak your mind.
Even if you are a minority of one,
the truth is still the truth.
Just for today I can
move a little slower
be a tiny bit more gentle
have some more self compassion
be 1 % more nurturing
six strengths no one has the power
to ever take away from you. ever.
your mind your heart your being
what you do and how you love
can never be used against you.
may you find peace in who you are
and always remember: you are magic.
(Adrian Michael Green)
Let go of "trying" to be perfect, let go of the quest to be always loving, peaceful and happy...
There is a misguided notion circulating that this is how enlightenment shows up.
If you are occupying a human body, to experience just one side of the pole is impossible, we are a part of nature therefore not different from nature...
We too must experience the sunny days and the stormy weather, we too are subject to the polarities, the cycles and rhythms of change.
There is a time for birthing, growth, flowering, decay, death, shedding and a time for composting in order to feed new life.
To embody wholeness is to accept, fully feel and experience all that comes... The light and the dark, and in so doing raise our phoenix of peace, love and understanding from the flames of both pleasure and pain.
Be the one who is courageous enough to be authentic...
Be the one that no longer sweeps the dirt under the carpet through misguided shame...
Sweep it out into the open, feel it, accept it, reclaim the power that you have given it, absorb its wisdom and use it to fertilize your own self love.
This is how we integrate all of our conflicting parts and embody wholeness.
Suppressing the dark is like expecting there to be a flame without the wick and the wax to feed it.
(Caroline de Lisser)
fall in love with
it does not matter
how you do it.
you understand, creature?
your feet erode into
your lungs cave in,
until the world
what you are
The only thing worse than a liar
is a liar that's also a hypocrite!
The further a society
drifts from the truth,
the more it will hate
those that speak it.
The way you receive other people’s boundaries
speaks volumes about your ability to express yours.
If you receive their boundaries as rejection,
odds are you will expect the same from them and
suppress your voice when it’s time to express yours.
If you want to know how far you've come about healing any abandonment issues, pay attention to the way you receive other people's boundaries.
Do you receive them as full blown rejection?
Or are you able to receive them as an expression of their sovereignty without creating any demeaning story about yourself?
Beyond that, there is a direct relationship between how you receive someone else's boundaries and your ability to feel safe to express yours.
If you receive their boundary as rejection, you might expect rejection from them when it's time to express yours and choose self betrayal.
This keeps you in that loop of resentment where you might resent them because of the perceived rejection and also resent yourself because of your inability to take a stand for yourself when the time came to express yours.
Here are 2 of my favorite affirmations when it comes with navigating the feeling of rejection. They might sound a hit controversial but I invite you to try them out.
"It's safe for me to feel rejected by them"
"Feeling rejected by them doesn't make me any less worthy"
Put yourself in this mindset the next time you need to express a boundary or the next you feel rejected by them expressing a boundary.
Sometimes what people need you to be
is someone who won’t enable
their poor behaviour.
Someone who sets boundaries that
clearly show what you will tolerate
and how you expect to be treated.
Someone who guides them
on how to behave,
by role modelling integrity
for yourself and them.
It might seem like that’s
not what they want,
but it is what they need.
TIP OF THE DAY
If they want to leave, let them.
If they push you away, go.
You weren't put on this earth
to convince anyone of your worth.
You're here to learn, create, flourish,
live, spread love and nourish.
The ones deserving of you will always
make you feel appreciated.
AN OPEN LETTER ABOUT CHILDHOOD
The biggest elephant in the room of mental health is child abuse.
The biggest lie in society in 2020 is that once you are no longer a child that you are no longer impacted by child abuse.
The sad truth of today is that we are lead to believe that if you have been abused the best course of action is to just "deal" with it. To a point, I agree, but that is not the entire story.
Today in America, five children will die in their homes. That does not take into consideration the thousands that will be abused mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually.
Childhood trauma is the pandemic.
Life is kind of like a party.
You invite a lot of people,
some leave early, some stay all night,
some laugh with you, some laugh at you,
and some show up really late.
But in the end, after the fun,
there are a few who stay to
help you clean up the mess.
And most of the time they aren’t even
the ones who made the mess.
These people are your true friends.
They are the only ones who matter.
So many spiritual teachers preach it, so many therapists insist on it, so many books are written about the importance of it: Forgiveness.
“You finally have to forgive or your wounds will never heal.”
“If you cannot forgive him, your heart will always stay frozen.”
“They gave their best; you shouldn’t be so unforgiving. Finally leave your past behind.”
“The first step in your healing process is forgiveness; otherwise, you create new, bad karma.”
“Meditate, focus your mind, think positive, and don’t take your feelings so seriously; then, you will be able to forgive and free yourself.”
“Without forgiveness, you will stay stuck forever, and your fury will poison you from within.”
Such messages put so many people under unhealthy pressure.
Because there is nothing more destructive in a healing process than a forced, false and too early sense of forgiveness.
Someone who has truly and authentically forgiven doesn't preach about the importance of forgiveness, knowing that if it isn't a natural process based on your true feelings, it's crap.
Forgiveness is one of the last possible steps on this journey and not the first.
The first step is the unconditional acceptance of ALL feelings.
Learning to listen to your body again, trusting your own perception, starting to finally love yourself.
And: to forgive YOURSELF.
Before the sadness, the anger, and the disappointment of your inner child isn’t allowed and really felt from yourself, there can be no real forgiveness. It is simply not possible.
False forgiveness is only a concept of the mind; it doesn’t help anyone - neither the victim nor the perpetrator.
It’s a lie, an illusion.
A frozen and restricted heart full of repressed emotions isn’t able to really forgive.
A freed and healed heart automatically feels the longing to forgive one day on the level of the soul. It wants to spread the compassion you have developed for yourself out into the world.
But true forgiveness has nothing to do with trivializing, taking away the responsibility and forgetting the things that happened.
The memories will, maybe, stay forever, though not as intense and painful, but as a wound that has scarred.
True forgiveness is more a release, an allowing of a higher divine perspective, a compassionate handing over of the darkness to the light so that it can be transformed.
If you think you will never be able to truly forgive, please don’t worry. You are absolutely okay and absolutely loved.
Be gentle with yourself.
You don’t HAVE to forgive.
Just be honest with yourself.
What do you really feel in your heart?
Your truth wants to be embraced.
Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything.
You can not turn away. Your destiny is bound to the destinies of others.
You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.
To seek enlightenment is to seek annihilation, rebirth, and the taking up of burdens. You must come prepared to touch and be touched by each and every thing in heaven and hell.
I am One with the Universe and it hurts.
it's time to
stop playing small
and remember that you
are the stars, the moon
and the whole damn universe.
- Anything is fucking possible -
In December of 2012 I decided I wanted a voice in this world.
I wanted to write and I wanted to be heard.
So, I started...
It took me over a year to hit a 100 followers on Facebook.
I shared inspiration quotes but if I shared my own words no one (literally not 1 like) would like my posts.
I was a stay at home mom with absolutely no idea how to write or use the internet (still don’t really know that much lol).
My only real talent was courage.
I never had any kind of big break to help get my name out there.
I started out completely and totally unknown.
I didn’t really do anything special or unique,
I just showed every day and kept at it.
I just kept writing!
I’ll tell you this: I was made fun of and criticized a hell of a lot more than I was praised.
I’ve done all of the things they say can’t be done in all of the ways they’ve said not to do it.
Every day for 7 years I have shown up and shared my soul with the world. I wrote and wrote and I wrote some more, even when no one was listening and even when the only people that seemed to be listening were judgmental assholes.
Today I posted a quote of mine from back in 2012...it got 2 likes the first time I shared it.
Today it got 80k likes and was shared over 458k times with a reach of 23 million people.
What do you want to do?
What are you feeling called to create?
Don’t tell me it’s not possible.
Anything is fucking possible!!!