I don’t know who needs to
hear this but…
If you feel like you aren’t
"making progress" right now
because you are reverting
back to old behaviors,
please remember that we are
in the midst of a global pandemic.
Of course your brain is seeking
old + familiar ways of coping.
This doesn’t mean
you are regressing.
It’s simply means life has
really upped the ante.
(Amanda E. White)
Repeat after me:
I will no longer
forfeit my own healing
to protect my family
from seeing the truth.
how to raise your vibration:
talk to someone you love
process old emotions
heal your heart
find meaning in negative experiences
shift old patterns
allow yourself to evolve
connect with nature
look at the Moon
sing to the stars
One of the toughest things about
relationships where both are open
to inner growth is when your partner
uncovers a thick layer of
old conditioning/trauma that
they have to work through.
You see them struggle and
face the storm, but you
cannot fix it for them.
All you can do is hold space
and be ready to give them
Without fear of
being selfish or silly.
without a single
ounce of restraint.
Love your real, messy,
gritty, raw, rapturous
Because where has
ever gotten you?
(Sarah L. Harvey)
The quote from today is a text that I wrote for Alex and all survivors of sexual abuse some years ago.
We received several very touching emails from survivors during the last weeks with requests how to deal with it; that’s why we have chosen it for today.
May it provide you with love, compassion, and healing…
You are warriors of light and we celebrate every single one of you!
The text is also applicable for all other kinds of trauma, because the basic principles of healing are always the same.
You are not alone… ❤️
Much love from us both
Verena & Alex
Are you a survivor of sexual abuse during childhood, just like at least every third woman and every seventh man? A survivor of the lowest and darkest possible expression of the human species?
Almost nobody speaks about it, but it happens every second, in all parts of the world, even in families where you would never expect it. Survivors are everywhere, but mostly they hide behind solid walls of shame, fear, and guilt.
It is the most repressed theme of our time and, yet, the biggest disaster of humanity. It affects countless lives, directly and indirectly.
The term “survivor” makes perfect sense. No matter how dangerous the situation was, regardless if it was violent or subtle and under the guise of affection, the consequences and impacts of sexual abuse in childhood are always devastating.
It destroys every feeling of self-love and worthiness inside a child for a very long time, and sometimes for life.
The journey of healing begins at the point where the repression ends and the truth finally reveals itself, sometimes in the tiniest baby steps.
As a faithful companion of a survivor, I have witnessed such a healing process at close range for many years and, sometimes, I cannot believe how much grace and hardship at the same time it involves.
One thing that made it so much harder than necessary were all the different harmful and loveless messages from toxic family members, so-called “friends”, bad therapists, and society in general.
That’s why I am writing this text. I want to reach out to you and share some healing messages from the bottom of my heart, hoping that they resonate with the deepest core of your beautiful soul.
Yes, it is a healing journey of deep pain, despair, and frightening body sensations, and yet, it is so worth it to go through this.
Often, you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and think about giving up, but the longer you travel and the braver you are about allowing all the repressed feelings to surface, the more wholeness, peace, and true joy come back to you.
And this diamond of inner awareness and compassion is something that a “normal” person without such a process could never reach.
Healing is possible, no matter what your story is.
Your soul is powerful enough to heal this.
Take back your life. Re-inhabit your body. Love yourself. Break free.
I know, this sounds so much easier than it is. It is the biggest challenge a soul can experience here on Earth because it affects everything.
You need so much patience, so much patience.
Years of repression and protection from your real feelings force you to take baby steps most of the time. The truth seems to resemble a difficult puzzle. The more memories emerge from your subconscious, the more puzzle pieces you have and the more you recognize the whole picture.
Then, slowly, you take back your life. Your body becomes your friend again: you come home to yourself.
Step by step, you learn to connect with your inner child and realize how lovable and innocent he or she is. It was not your fault, no matter what happened, no matter how the circumstances were. Even if you also felt some kind of sexual arousal; that’s a normal protective reaction of the body.
Believe me, it was not your fault. That was just the excuse, the mind-control of the perpetrator and all the people who didn’t help you. It was easier for you to take on the guilt than to feel so utterly helpless, alone and abashed.
But now, as an adult, you can unmask this terrible lie and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
With a radical acceptance of your feelings and the increasing trust in your perceptions, your worthiness and self-love slowly return.
Your biggest task is to believe in the messages of your body and not in the chatter of your internalized “guards”, who saved your life by repressing and trivializing the truth.
Feeling is healing. All the emotions, the fear, sadness, shock, anger, shame and helplessness had been “frozen” on a cellular level, because it wasn’t possible to face these feelings as a child.
Feel it now, allow each feeling that arises, even if it seems like it will never end. It will end. It will settle down when the truth of your body is told, layer after layer. The only way out is in.
With every tear you cry, with every scream you permit your tight throat to set free, and with every cathartic release of your tensed muscles, you break away from the invisible prison of the abuser.
You can end this state of mere surviving and finally start to LIVE. You can learn to honor and enjoy your sexuality as a natural unfolding of your sensuality in an atmosphere of mutual love and trust, which you deserve so much.
Believe me, the universe is just waiting for you to rise like a phoenix from the ashes. It wants you to unfold the unique and radiant blossom in your heart chakra every day more.
Please know that the deepest core of your soul was never hurt.
Healing means to find your way back to this inviolate essence, despite all the inner or outer wounds.
With your healing, you create an energetic pathway of hope for so many other desperate souls who have just started their journey.
And with each of these courageous souls, the toxic cycle of abuse and violence slowly but steadily dissolves.
Each survivor who dares to heal by facing and transforming the darkness should be celebrated as a warrior of light.
that tells me
I should have
Next time you’re feeling sad &
you’re about to push it away
or judge it negatively, try…
Just accepting that you’re feeling sad
Letting yourself cry
Journaling what you’re sad about
Painting your sadness
Listening to a sad song on purpose
Reminding yourself not to rush it away
Letting your sadness come out
Letting your sadness come out
Taking your sad feelings seriously
Knowing that it’s grown up & human
to be able to acknowledge &
take how you’re feeling seriously.
Have you ever thought to yourself,
“I think I might be going a little crazy,”
but then you remember that you’re really
just an awakened, loving, kickass warrior,
hell bent on changing the world,
and you refuse to accept the negative
vibrations and the fear and the hate and
the illusion of separation, and you
remember that there are many others
just like you, that stand with you,
the alchemists, the conscious warriors,
the rule breakers, the lovers of life,
the ones that are determined to lift each
other up and to ensure that love wins,
the ones that are just crazy enough
to get the job done, and then you
remember that you’re not crazy at all
and you’re not alone, you’re just awake?
Yup, me too. You’re good. Keep going.
We all have an unsuspected
reserve of strength inside
that emerges when life
puts us to the test.
magic in you.
Don’t let them
tell you otherwise.
(Harpreet M Dayal)
Go at your own speed.
Take a different path.
Not being partnered at 25 doesn't
mean that you're unlovable or that
something *must* be wrong with you.
It also doesn't mean that
at 33 or 42 or 65.
Education comes in many
shapes and sizes.
Some of the most brilliant minds never
went to college or just didn't finish.
An open mind and experiences
give you wisdom, not only a degree.
Your dream job may not come
until you're 60…
or maybe the dream just changes.
We're not failures just because life
doesn't unfold according to a certain
set of SHOULDS written by
a society who generally never
lived them out either.
A great friend is not going to
guilt-trip you, expect all of your
energy or only take from you -
leaving you tired and drained.
True friendship is about creating
open spaces for each other
to feel alive and loved,
a space where we try to listen
and understand deeply.
Remember that you are more
than skin and bones.
You are one thousand stories of before.
One thousand stories of potential.
One thousand stories you've yet to
see and know and feel and breathe.
There's more to come.
And it's something beautiful.
Your 'shadow' is nothing more than
the part of you that is unconscious
and therefore hidden from
The unconscious is filled with
all kinds of things that
you have judged as
'unacceptable‘ about you.
And shadow work is nothing more
than the art of making
the unconscious, conscious and
the unacceptable, acceptable.
Let them say what they want
about you. In the end,
it won’t matter what was said,
it will matter what was done.
Fake people eventually
get tired of pretending,
and time has a way of
revealing people’s bullshit.
Trust that. Keep working.
Keep being real. Do you!
The rest will take care of itself.
If you’re having one of those days,
sitting in that place again, where
you feel worthless, insignificant
and small, this is for you. I see you.
I’ve been in that place many times
before, I know it’s not an easy door
to walk through and I know there’s
rarely any visitors. But I see you
and I wish you could see yourself
in the same light, larger than life,
shining in your dark, bright enough
to light the whole sky. I see you.
You are not invisible, you did not
go unnoticed, you are worth so much.
I need you. Your dark, your light,
your emptiness, all of you.
Whether you are here, in pieces,
or still whole, come here.
You matter. All of us are just
one, big puzzle, searching for the
right pieces to fill our emptiness,
soften our edges, speak to the void
we hold so tight. Maybe some of
my pieces fit perfectly across your
cracks, maybe some of your pieces
are the exact shape of the scars
I bear that will not heal. Come here.
With all that you are and all that
I’m not, I need you, and there’s
someone else, sitting in that same
place who needs you too.
Open the door, come out with
your pieces, let’s teach each other
how to be whole.
It takes both sides to build a bridge.
Healing is not as simple as "learning to love yourself."
It's going back to the places we learned to stop loving ourselves & remembering why.
We then hold tight the part of us carrying those memories.
We are rescuing them, making them safe.
This is what makes self-love so brave.
Self-love does not come natural to a trauma survivor.
Our brain and body has been marked by someone else's harmful doing.
Our natural response is to blame our bodies, and ourselves.
It's all we know to do to neutralize what happened, because we are not capable of understanding it wasn't our fault…
Especially as kids.
So, learning to love ourselves is incredibly brave.
It's touching those parts of our story that were the culprits to our shutting down.
It's going back to those places and closely holding that hurt part of us.
Then, letting them know that from this day forward, you will be with them in that pain.
What bravery. What a story. What love.
'as you are.' says the universe.
'after…' you answer.
'as you are.' says the universe.
'before…' you answer.
'as you are.' says the universe.
'when…' you answer.
'as you are.' says the universe.
'how…' you answer.
'as you are.' says the universe.
'why…' you answer.
you are happening now.
right at this moment and
your happening is beautiful.
the thing that keeps me alive
and brings me to my knees.
you don't even know how
breathtaking you are.
as you are.' says the universe
You are under no obligation to celebrate Mother’s Day.
For a lot of daughters (and sons; annotation from Alex & Verena) who are on the journey of healing their mother wound, as this day approaches, feelings of guilt, shame, anger and grief slowly start to creep up and create a lot of anxiety and fear around it.
If this day makes you feel sick in your stomach, brings up feelings of unworthiness, brings back flashes of abuse, trauma, and neglect, know that you are not alone.
I am sorry that the woman who was supposed to love, protect, and support you failed to do so. I’m sorry if she made you feel like you were responsible for her suffering. I’m sorry if you grew up having to be someone else to be loved by her.
She was your very first connection to this world and I see you if you feel hurt, let down, angry, confused, or anything it is that comes up for you. All of it is valid.
Take a moment to acknowledge those feelings and gently affirm to yourself that you are not defined by your past.
𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁-𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗯𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝘁𝗼𝘅𝗶𝗰 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 - 𝗶𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝘀/𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂.
Let this be the time when you lovingly mother your inner child and strengthen your relationship with yourself. Seek help if you need, reach out for support in the community, do things that fill you up, nourish and nurture yourself in your special ways.
It’s okay if this day doesn’t quite make you feel all those good things you think you’re “expected” to feel. You don’t have to succumb to societal, cultural, or familial expectations around this day.
Honour where you’re at in your healing journey and know that you are not obligated to celebrate this relationship just because she’s your mother. You do not have to put her on a pedestal. You get to do what’s right for you.
P.S. If you’re someone who’s had a great relationship with their mom, take this opportunity to become a little more aware of the fact that others may have had it different. Please be compassionate towards them and respect where they’re at in their healing journey.
Remember you are not becoming anything.
We use this language to sell courses.
You are not actually being transformed,
you are remembering who you are.
You are going back to your true self
and when you do that, it feels like
a transformation - but it’s not.
It's who you are beneath the toxic
programming and all the sh*t
that was put on you.
THE LIE OF HAPPINESS
We are not meant to feel happy and inspired all the time. We are not meant to be joyful and full of energy all the time. We are not meant to be “up” all the time.
The Unconscious has no interest in being "up".
It only wants Truth.
Our hearts are so vast and can hold so much life; so much sorrow and loneliness as well as joy. We are meant to feel down sometimes! We are meant to touch into the depths of human sorrow sometimes.
To feel disconnected, lost and without answers sometimes.
These are also sacred experiences.
And portals to compassion.
For the deeper we touch into our own pain, the more we can understand the pain of our brothers and sisters.
It is imperative that we make room for the so-called “negative” aspects of psyche. If we feel down, let’s feel down, completely!
If we feel lonely, let’s learn to lean a little into our loneliness.
If we feel lost, let’s allow “the lost one” in, allow her to come home to us.
Instead of rushing for quick fixes, distractions and solutions, let’s open our hearts to the ‘unloved’ parts inside.
The pressure to be “up” all the time is literally making people sick. The pressure to feel "inspired and positive and energized 24/7” is murdering souls.
Slow down, today, friend. Have the courage to touch into the dark places now - the loneliness, the rage, the boredom, the 'negative' and 'unwanted' energies inside. You will discover, they are really full of intelligence, full of beauty and creativity –
and full of Light!
we just made some changes to the "ABOUT" of this website to point out what our work is about...
Verena & Alex
I’d never tell you to stop worrying,
because that’s not how worry works.
But I want to remind you, in the midst
of your worry, to be kind to yourself.
I’ll never fit in.
of my best
Dear members of our Insight Timer-Group,
We have news for you: the Insight Timer suddenly told us via email tonight (with screenshots from Christopher, the CEO), that they will delete our group if we keep it like that: with only a direct link to our website and a closed comment function.
Well, they, as well as all longtime members, know WHY we did it like this since several months and we will not justify ourselves again.
For everyone who wants to understand more, the text "Insight Timer" is still available on our website; we will also repost it below the daily quote from today there.
In the middle of a global pandemic, we really don't feel like arguing about such trivialities.
But the announcement that they will simply delete this group and the complete selection of quotes from more than three years is, of course, not at all acceptable for us.
This collection of quotes can be a wonderful and supportive tool for everyone on the healing journey, especially in difficult times like these.
So we made the following decision: we will give it another try and post the quotes here with an open comment function - maybe not daily because some of our quotes are simply too thought-provoking and challenging for the spiritual mainstream in this app.
We simply had too much stress with this.
You will still find the daily quote on our website, which is a free, safe, and friendly space without spiritual bypassing for visitors from a lot of different sources.
You will find the general link to the daily quote below each quote that we post here.
So if on some days there will be no quote on the app, you will find it on our website.
We think nothing happens without a reason, and of course, we also missed the communication in this group, so we are looking forward to this change.
Stay safe, stay well!
Much love from us both ❤️
Verena & Alex
This is the statement for the members
of our group "Remember who you are "
in the meditation app "Insight Timer " from 2019:
we are looking forward to continuing sharing our daily quote with you all.
But this break, the digital detox, was fundamental for us to reconnect with ourselves and reflect on things that feel out of balance in our daily life.
This introspection showed us that we cannot and don't want to continue with this group like before, we have to change something in order to feel comfortable and safe with it.
Surely some of you have noticed that about two months ago we changed the group description into:
"One daily quote. No clutter, no spiritual bypassing. "
We did this because the group has become so big with more than 40.000 members and of course we are happy that it is so popular, but the last months it has become more and more difficult to keep this virtual space safe, profound and authentic.
We created this group about two years ago to offer inspiration and support via one daily quote for everyone who resonates and who is also on the challenging and stunning healing journey of facing his/her true feelings. Our message is that you can heal EVERYTHING by doing this inner and outer work.
Everyone who reads our group information on Insight Timer should understand that this is our only intention. It comes from the heart and is meant as a gift, not as a provocation, even if the themes and truths are not always just soothing and comfortable, but often also unconventional and thought-provoking.
We think there are enough toxic, superficial and smoothened messages out there in this sick society about how we should feel, act, fit in and conform to live a "normal "pseudo-secure and boring life.
Human life is full of polarity, and there are not only "unicorn farts and pixie dust, "but also really dark and terrible elements of this existence and this fact shouldn't be repressed and dissociated any longer. It's time to wake up and heal - for every single one of us.
We don't have and never had any interest in discussing whether the selected quote is "correct" or not, or if every single word that the particular author uses is "appropriate", especially not with spiritual bypassers or religious fanatics. Unfortunately, in the Insight Timer App there are more than some of them, and sometimes they join our group, not despite but because they feel very provoked by our quotes and don't even take the time to read the description and our intention, but immediately start to write bullying comments to spread their bullshit. So again and again and again we have to react to such comments or the only other alternative is to delete the comments and ban these members from the group.
We had several terrible experiences with haters and stalkers in the last months, who didn't stop terrorizing us via our website after deleting their disrespectful comments.
The most insane and exhausting case was during the last Christmas holidays, and just last week we had another stalker.
That's why we decided to take this break so spontaneously and to use our holiday as a digital detox. It just wasn't funny anymore.
But we would never change the kind of quotes that we choose only to avoid conflict. They represent the insights and truths that we have learned during our psychological and therapeutic studies but mainly during the healing process of our own childhood traumas, especially of the ritual abuse that Alex suffered from when he was ten years old.
When you are faced with such a darkness, with the lowest possible level of humanity, when your whole life builds around the revelation of terrible lies and the remembering of what really happened and who you really are, when you have to cut the contact to your own toxic parents, and let everyone go, who doesn't allow you at all to be authentic and vulnerable while you go through this fire, then you really have no interest to be 24 hours a day online available for everyone without any filter or protection and being forced to read their toxic messages.
The group has simply grown too much to be able to handle this easily and on the side like in the beginning.
It feels like everyone is around the clock allowed to come into your virtual living room to just leave you a pile of shit in the middle of the room by writing a disrespectful comment full of platitudes, judgment, intolerance and shaming us or others in the group who show up, speak their truth and allow their vulnerability.
When someone writes for example a comment about the horrible sexual abuse by her father and speaks so openly about it maybe for the first time, we would never allow anyone to shame this member by trying to convince her with a comment that she should forgive her father no matter what he did, because he "gave his best at his level of consciousness "and "we are all one "and "she shouldn't be angry."
Such messages of spiritual bypassing are so damaging and destructive especially for people who just started on their healing journey of allowing the truth.
There is another phenomenon that really troubled our love of truth and authenticity: passive aggression.
Sometimes someone who never "likes "any of our quotes, that means who never presses the "heart button, "writes a comment which sounds quite unclear, confusing and disrespectful but not outright, so we are not sure what is really meant. So we don't know how to react and take a look in the activity of the member to see what he maybe writes in other groups: the exact opposite of what our quote says and what our group stands for!
These are moments when we really think: "What the fuck is this person doing in our group - other than spreading passive aggression and poisoning the atmosphere?"
Especially when we post something about the general idealization of parents, the truth about childhood traumas, the importance of allowing ALL feelings, the reaction of people who don't want to face their painful feelings can be insane and really toxic.
We don't want this anymore.
To give you a little personal impression about us: we have a busy job where we meet lots of different people, but our private life is quite secluded and calm. We live in a wooden house in the middle of a forest, and we love daily meditation, long walks in nature, coziness, music and dance, yoga, healthy organic food, authentic connections, our wonderful cat Yogi, we both drink no alcohol, take no kind of drugs or medication, spend a lot of time with simply allowing our true feelings, laughing and crying, reading inspiring books, watch only documentaries and funny or profound series, use no kind of social media and are very happy to live like this.
Our life hasn't always been so healthy and focused, but it's the natural result of our fucking hard and challenging healing process. We were forced to let go of everything toxic that didn't serve our healing because otherwise, we wouldn't have been able to go through this.
But of course, we are also still on our journey and need a lot of time and energy for this process.
In this one week of digital detox from our smartphones, we realized that we miss the freedom to withdraw from time to time from the virtual world, at least when it's about having to read and react to comments 24 hours a day.
Insight Timer is a meditation app, and it's great that besides the Timer and all these inspiring and helpful meditations, it allows like-minded people from all over the world to connect and support each other, but it shouldn't be full of the clutter, conflict, envy, comparative and distractive elements of trivial social media.
When Alex told the truth about the ritual abuse in a comment some months ago, most of you gave us the feedback that they nearly never read the comments, but only the daily quote, because it is too much clutter for them, and they enjoy the simplicity of just pondering over this one daily message and let the words unfold without distraction.
So this is what we have decided to change during our break: we will keep the comment function closed because this app doesn't seem to be the right place to hold such a space open and safe. But we will continue posting the daily quote in the App absolutely reliable like we did the last two years.
And as a more balanced and safe alternative to the comment function of the app we have created a section here on our website: "Daily Quote, "where we not only post the daily quote but also a daily picture and sometimes inspiring recommendations or videos that you can then watch right there, without having to copy and paste a link like in the app.
We want to thank everyone who didn't take our offer for granted and who used the comment function in the app in a constructive way and contributed to a positive and often very loving and nourishing group feeling which we loved and we would be happy to meet you here on our website.
We have absolutely no commercial interest in all that we share, so everything is for free.
We also realized that the intense attachment to our smartphone that was necessary because of the comment function to keep the group a safe space, sucked way too much of our time and energy, which we prefer to put into other creative projects now, like continuing writing our own texts and a book, recording some meditations and so on.
But we stay connected with you via the daily quote and for everyone who wishes more contact also via the website.
Thank you all for your loyalty and your commitment to creating a supportive and authentic community.
We trust that everything happens for a reason and that the journey continues in a healthier, better and more peaceful way…
Much love from us both
Verena & Alex
One day you
of how you
you went through
and it will be
If you’re feeling triggered, anxious,
or overwhelmed, remember P. A. U. S. E.:
Presence to the current moment
Awareness of the body
Understand the messages within
Soothe the inner child
Ease into the next action
can alter our perception.
You can spend many years
thinking you’re worthless…
but you’re not worthless,
If you started an awakening
and healing journey,
and your world feels like
it is crumbling down,
you are not doing anything wrong.
The old structures of your reality
are collapsing so that
a new foundation that matches
who you have become
can be built.
You are right on track.
No one changes unless they want to.
Not if you beg them.
Not if you shame them.
Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love.
There's only one thing that makes someone change:
their own realization that they need to do it.
And there's only one time it will happen:
when they decide they're ready.