If you want the moon,
do not hide at night.
If you want a rose,
do not run from the thorns.
If you want love,
do not hide from yourself.
Life is glorious, but life is also wretched.
It is both. Appreciating the gloriousness inspires us,
encourages us, cheers us up, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. We feel connected.
But if that's all that's happening,
we get arrogant and start to look down on others,
and there is a sense of making ourselves a big deal
and being really serious about it,
wanting it to be like that forever.
The gloriousness becomes tinged by craving
and addiction. On the other hand, wretchedness -
life's painful aspect - softens us up considerably.
Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of
being there for another person.
When you are feeling a lot of grief,
you can look right into somebody's eyes
because you feel you haven't got anything to lose -
you're just there.
The wretchedness humbles us and softens us,
but if we were only wretched,
we would all just go down the tubes.
We'd be so depressed, discouraged, and hopeless
that we wouldn't have enough energy to eat an apple.
Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other.
One inspires us, the other softens us.
They go together.
Shout out to all the men
doing the deep healing work.
In a world where we are taught
that it’s 'weak to feel',
what is more masculine then
going against society’s brainwashing,
feeling our feelings, looking at
our traumas and bringing light
to our shadows?
Massive respect to all the brothers doing the deep inner work.
Growing up, it’s super common for us to be taught that it’s weak to cry and if we do cry then we’re called a little girl, a baby or gay (as if that should even be an insult?)
This leads us to be super disconnected from certain emotions and feel it’s not okay to have them.
Which is why it’s so common for men to not open up and keep everything inside.
This is a huge reason why males die 3 to 4 times more often than females from suicide.
So shout out to the brothers who are doing the deep inner work and going against your childhood conditioning that taught you it’s not okay to feel.
You cannot build
a deep connection
who is disconnected
When we are in the habit of ignoring what we feel or consistently run away from hard parts of ourselves, distance is created not just between us and ourselves but also between us and other people.
Our lack of a full embrace of all that we are can make our interactions with others superficial, even if there is a desire to connect deeply with someone, that connection will encounter limits and will only ever reach a depth equal to the relationship we have with ourselves.
Our personal degree of self-awareness will reflect dimly or brightly on whomever crosses our path.
If we can observe our emotions with open arms full of compassion, it will be much easier to show up and support others when they are going through a moment of personal turbulence.
If we can embrace our own complexity, we will have patience as we learn more about those closest to us.
If we have experience facing our own hard truths and being present through our personal ups and downs, we will have the emotional fortitude to wisely handle challenging moments in a relationship without immediately running away.
There is no other way to a life of fulfillment, happiness and vibrant connections, but through thoroughly traveling the realms of our own heart and mind.
Areas that remain undiscovered are areas of potential friction that may manifest in our own mind or between us and the ones we love.
All that is unexplored can show up as blocks that can stop the flow of harmony.
If we are accustomed to brave observation and practicing acceptance when inner turbulence tries to bring our attention to an unexplored or unloved part of ourselves, then the moments of friction within us or in our relationships will not become blocks. Instead, these tough moments will become fertile ground to deepen our connection and refine our commitments.
Simply stated, putting the effort into knowing ourselves can only help us know others better.
Loving ourselves is essential if we want to live a good life.
Trauma teaches you to
close your heart & armor up.
Healing teaches you to
open your heart & boundary up!
When we have been through hell & back,
it can be tempting to build up walls
for self preservation.
But here's the tea, y’all - there truly is
a magical healing power in healthy relationships
that we can't find through anything
BUT healthy relationships!
I know some of y'all are waiting for that day
to come when the fortress of self protection
you have built comes tumbling down organically -
(spoiler alert, no hero is climbing your walls -
you are your own hero).
The truth is, YOU are gonna have to decide!
You have to decide to trust, you have to decide
to allow people to get close to you,
YOU HAVE TO DECIDE TO LET LOVE IN!
But it's scary, you say. What if I get hurt?
What if I'm not ready? What if I fail?
It's true, those are all possibilities.
But once you've done the work,
you will learn to trust yourself,
set boundaries & know that regardless of
what happens, you will be ok,
you've got yourself, babe.
The knowledge that you won't betray yourself
no matter what is a HUGE safety net in & of itself.
So dip a toe in, open yourself up & let the glow of
healthy love wash over & start to heal you.
You deserve good things!!! Get some!
I have taken a vow
to love myself,
in good times and bad.
Don’t reconnect with toxic people
just because you’re lonely.
You wouldn’t drink poison
just because you’re thirsty.
(Dr. Jamie Zuckerman)
Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm
that keeps changing directions.
You change direction but
the sandstorm chases you.
You turn again, but the storm adjusts.
Over and over you play this out, like some
ominous dance with death just before dawn.
Why? Because this storm isn't something
that blew in from far away, something that
has nothing to do with you.
This storm is you. Something inside of you.
So all you can do is give in to it,
step right inside the storm,
closing your eyes and plugging up your ears
so the sand doesn't get in,
and walk through it, step by step.
There's no sun there, no moon,
no direction, no sense of time.
Just fine white sand swirling up
into the sky like pulverized bones.
That's the kind of sandstorm
you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through
that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm.
No matter how metaphysical or symbolic
it might be, make no mistake about it:
it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades.
People will bleed there, and you will bleed too.
Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands,
your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over
you won't remember
how you made it through,
how you managed to survive.
You won't even be sure, in fact,
whether the storm is really over.
But one thing is certain.
When you come out of the storm
you won't be the same person who walked in.
That's what this storm's all about.
What gaslighting yourself
can sound like:
- "I’m just overreacting.
I’m too sensitive."
- "I must’ve misunderstood that.
It didn’t really happen."
- "It shouldn’t be that big of a deal.
Why can’t I just get over it?"
- "I’m so crazy/damaged/distrusting,
I can’t even trust myself."
Don’t gaslight yourself.
If you were frequently invalidated
and dismissed growing up you may
have learned to second-guess yourself
and deny your own reality.
This is a form of gaslighting.
Stop denying/minimizing your truth
and start listening to yourself!
No one on this earth is deliberately
trying to sabotage you and
keep you small.
No one actually feels bad about
the successes you have had in your life.
No one actually wants you to fail.
They do not feel bad about where you are.
They feel bad about where THEY are.
They feel bad that they aren't yet
where they want to be.
And from that space of powerlessness,
the next logical vibrational improvement
is the attitude of revenge and hatred.
So next time you are interacting with
someone who seems upset at
your successes or like they want
to keep you small... look deeper.
See the small, frightened part of them
who is crying to be somewhere other than
where they are, but who doesn't have
the confidence yet… to go there.
You don’t need to leave your room.
Remain sitting at your table and listen.
Don’t even listen, simply wait.
Don’t even wait.
Be quite still and solitary.
The world will freely offer itself to you.
To be unmasked, it has no choice.
It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.
Imagine all the energy you’ve poured
into other people, especially those
who don’t give you back much in return.
Imagine where that energy could go
when you turned just a fraction of it
inward towards yourself.
This one goes out to anyone reading this who has tried to earn love by helping, fixing, or pleasing others.
Welcome to the club.
I don’t know how many reminders it took for me to finally get it in my head that my value doesn’t solely depend on what other people think of me.
It’s still a work in progress for me to truly feel what I consciously know, that even if people don’t approve of me or understand me doesn’t mean I’m in danger.
It’s understandable if living your life to please or serve others is your mechanism to find safety and love.
What if you looked at all that energy you gave to others, all that time you spent making sure you were pleasing and acceptable.
What if you decided to take just a little bit of that energy, and spend it on yourself instead?
It might feel scary. Because trauma runs deep.
It wants to lock us in place to keep us safe.
But you’re allowed to change. You don’t have to be the same way you’ve always been.
You deserve to be cared for,
and take care of yourself.
I will not stay,
not ever again -
in a room,
that requires me
to abandon myself.
(Glennon Doyle Melton)
Just a reminder
that you experience love
every single day,
if you’re paying attention.
It doesn’t have to be
chocolate and flowers and
a fancy dinner with a partner.
Love is when you get lost in
something that lights you up.
Love is the smell of rain.
Love is a text from a friend.
Love is standing up for what’s right.
Love is remembering to hydrate and rest.
Love is a song that takes you someplace else.
Love is a quiet moment of peace.
You love and are loved.
Despite what you may have been taught,
your sensitivity doesn’t make you weak.
It doesn’t make you too emotional,
too soft, or in any way too much.
It has always been and
will always be a strength.
The truth is that you can be soft
and still be strong.
You aren’t a rock, immune to the shift
and pull of the world around you.
You’re the ocean.
Always ebbing and flowing;
easily affected by the moon
and the weather.
But immense and deep.
Resilient and powerful.
Bounding with life.
Creativity is inventing,
growing, taking risks,
and having fun.
(Mary Lou Cook)
We hope you are all well and navigating safely and healthily through this challenging time.
Here in Germany it's snowy & freezing and because of the failure of our government to order enough vaccines etc., it feels as if we are waiting and waiting and waiting till spring comes and things become hopefully easier...
But well, we are healthy, which is most important, and because of the lockdown, we have a lot of time to think about the future of our website and our "Remember who you are"- Community.
It’s wonderful to support and inspire so many people from all over the world on their healing journey to self-love & authenticity with what we have learned on our own journey.
We have so many ideas and plans; we are bursting with creative energy and sometimes don't know where to start... ; )
What has become more and more concrete in our mind is that we would LOVE to develop our own app "RWYA - Remember who you are" with the supportive and creative tools that we offer so far and all that we plan for the future...
After the negative experiences with the "Insight Timer"-App, where our group with 50.000 members has simply been deleted (see the Text "Insight Timer"), the most important thing for us is always to stay independent, authentic, and uncensored.
Of course, we are no developers, and there are so many app builders and app programming companies, so at the moment, we are checking and comparing all the different possibilities.
It would surely take some time and money to develop such an app, but before we become concrete, we thought it's a good idea to ask YOU if anyone has a recommendation.
If anyone knows or has heard about an excellent app builder or an app programming company, please contact us via email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Of course, you can also write us if you have any ideas or wishes regarding possible features for the app.
We would love to hear from you and wish you all a wonderful and cozy weekend!
With gratitude ❤️
Verena & Alex
I want you to go to the very bottom
of your pain, my love.
Let your grief break you apart.
(Know that it can only break your illusions and
shatter your expectations, it cannot break You.)
Pour yourself into your own broken heart.
Breathe into your most terrifying loneliness.
You’ll be haunted in the future by everything
that you do not touch now.
Do not fear. I am here. I breathe you
when you cannot breathe yourself.
I give you the will to go on
when you cannot find the will.
I help you to bear the unbearable,
digest the indigestible.
I am at the very pit of your pain,
present in the abyss of your despair.
I am your unbreakable spirit, your timeless Self.
If you fear your own disappearance, then disappear!
If the ground opens up to swallow you,
if the void pulls you in, fall willingly!
Surrender, or give up surrendering and just fall.
I will catch you, or you will be caught
by your own deepest wisdom.
Either way, your pain will not kill you,
it will only remove all that is disgusting and false.
You will emerge shaken, yes, vulnerable, yes,
but new, and wiser, and more real.
Know that I am here with you...
until the end of time.
YOU ARE A SURVIVOR
The bits of you that are broken,
the bits of you that are damaged,
do not see them that way.
Instead see them as slowly being filled
with beautiful experiences and truths
you have learned from the damage,
the equivalent of lacquered gold.
I want you to remember,
you are not a broken thing,
Instead, you are a human full of
incredible and wonderful experience,
made of the same things swords and
diamonds are made of.
You are a survivor, my darling,
and I salute you for everything
you have been through,
and for making the universe so proud,
so very proud of what you have become.
I often think about the notion that
somehow Trauma Survivors are
DAMAGED GOODS because they
have been through dark shit,
and that notion pisses me off.
I know that Trauma Survivors
are more powerful, capable,
resourceful, and driven than
Let no one tell you different.
People think that intimacy is about sex.
But intimacy is about truth.
When you realize you can tell someone your truth,
when you can show yourself to them,
when you stand in front of them bare and
their response is 'you're safe with me'-
(Taylor Jenkins Reid)
To me, being spiritual means…
Whispering to trees,
laughing with flowers,
falling in love with sunsets,
consulting the water and
worshipping the stars.
One hand to my heart.
One hand to the Earth.
Tons of them.
Strategy for releasing tension:
1. Tune into a place in your body
where you are holding tension
(for example tight chest, clenched jaw,
2. Gently place & "cup" your hands
around the tense area, slowly & gently.
3. Be present to the sensations you notice.
4. Breathe slowly & intentionally into
the tense spot, send your breath
to release the tension.
5. Stay with it a few minutes &
notice any changes in the tension.
But if these years
have taught me
anything, it is this:
you can never
run away. Not ever.
The only way out is in.
Friends fell away as I individuated
on my soul's journey.
As I shed one self-sense,
I no longer identified with
the people attached to it.
Old ways of interacting
seemed artificial, scripted, silly.
Whereas before it was fine
to hang out and waste time,
now there was no time to lose.
Now I had to protect my sacred purpose
from connections that undermined it.
Be prepared for the lonely times
on the journey.
It can be very isolating
to quest for truepath amid
the trumpets of modern life.
Walking through unchartered territories
often means walking alone.
This is particularly true in the transition stages
before you find a conscious soulpod.
It can be like primary school all over again -
who will be my first ‘real’ friends?
Be honest about
who you are.
Be honest about
what you want.
Be honest about
how you expect
to be treated.
Standards only scare off
the people who are
not meant for you.
A thing to know about trauma
is that physical symptoms
don’t usually show up until after
your nervous system understands
you to be relatively safe.
So, be very gentle with yourself
and aware of how you feel in your body
over the next few months.
Our world is full of adult bodies
walking around with wounded little kids
inside of them thinking they created
the harm done to them.
Look closely at the adults who are struggling &
you will see the version of that small child
who would give anything
to no longer carry that lie.
It’s clear people are hurting at levels I’ve never seen.
They are wrestling with their mental health, loneliness, and the exhaustion is setting in from being in the throes of tension with so much uncertainty.
I want to do my best to provide some relief to each of those especially those doing healing work:
I’ve never met someone who identified their childhood trauma and did not assume they somehow created it or it was their fault.
If you can take this one reframe of that shame and understand that under no circumstances are children able to create being harmed by others, this could be a gateway to more breathing room for the inner child inside of you.
That kid in you who experienced harm outside of their control had no coping skills to process that harm or make sense of it.
Their only option is to adapt to that pain and that could include denial, self blame and/or survival mode.
This is the only option.
That younger version of you has carried this pressure and absolute lie and that one lie is shaping other heartache.
For any younger version of you that was traumatized, they must hear from you the harm done to them was not their fault.
If we have lived our entire lives believing these things were our fault, it’s going to have an impact on how we show up and often what we struggle with.
It was not possible for you to be responsible for what happened to you as a kid.
You’ve lived the tight rope of believing you were responsible and that tension must stop.
Please breath in this truth:
“Any blame I’m allowing my inner child to carry ends today.
I will no longer allow them to feel additional burdens from experiences they were never supposed to know.”