Let it be so that when I reach
the end of this life, I can look back
and say, what a beautiful ride it was.
Let it be so that when I run out of time,
my heart is full and I hold no regrets.
Let it be known by the mark I leave,
that I was here in more ways than one.
Let it be true that even when I failed,
I still learned and I tried hard enough
to walk away smiling.
Let it be known when it’s my time to go,
that somewhere between my first sunrise
and my last sunset, I saw my fair
share of rainbows.
Let it be known that while I was here,
I found hope somewhere, even when
I was empty and just along the edges
where rivers spill into oceans,
I threw the words across the deep,
hoping they would keep long enough to
be found by someone who needed them.
Let it be so that for every time I was
too afraid to dance, somehow I will
get another chance and I won’t be afraid
even if the whole world is watching.
Let it be known that while I was here,
I fell a hundred times or more,
when all I wanted to do was fly,
but look at me now,
I am the whole sky.
Let it be so. Let it be known.
That somewhere in this life,
I used my whole heart to write my story
and even if no one ever read it,
it was mine and it was beautiful.
Let it be known that while I was here,
it was such an honor to know you
and let it be so that when I leave,
I will carry part of you with me.
5 WAYS NOT TO BE USED
1. Believe patterns and behaviors, not apologies.
2. Look for consistency, clarity and stability,
3. Pay attention to and believe all red flags.
4. Know your worth and add taxes.
No more discounts.
5. Raise your standards and get better boundaries.
These things are all normal
in a relationship:
- being attracted to other people
- needing time alone
- not having sex
- having a lot of sex
- disagreeing or fighting
- feeling bored
- experiencing doubt
- feeling jealous
- fantasizing about others
- having different interests or hobbies
- not seeing eye-to-eye on certain issues
Did you know?
I don’t know about you but these things were not talked about when I was growing up as being normal.
They aren’t openly talked about in the media.
I’m convinced if we normalize these things and get away from the soulmate perfection idea, more people will be able to have healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Relationships are not one-size-fits all. Different things work for different people and only the people in the relationship get to decide what works for them.
Just because you are attracted to someone else, disagree, or go through a dry spell doesn’t mean there’s something wrong. It doesn’t mean you need to end the relationship. But shame can keep us feeling isolated and it can erode our connection with our partner.
(Amanda E. White)
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk being called naive.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chained by their certitude, they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is truly free.
The grief work has to be done.
Fritz Perls said: “Nothing changes till it becomes what it is.”
Only by demythologizing our parents can we grasp the real harm that was done to us.
To grasp that real harm was done to us allows us to own our feelings about being violated.
To feel the feelings is the original pain work.
Once we’ve connected with and expressed those feelings, we are free to move on.
HOW TO STOP GIVING FUCKS ...
Be happy, be good, be positive, be optimistic, be successful, be woke, be spiritually enlightened. Consume the perfect diet. Attract a million followers on Instagram. Live your best life. Rise up the career ladder. Be fit and healthy. Be your greatest self. Manifest your life’s purpose. Optimise your body's functioning. Release your pain, fear, anger and sadness. Free yourself from doubt. Fall in love with the man and woman of your dreams and live happily ever after and never feel lonely again.
This dream is beautiful but it is literally killing us.
The eternal soul has no interest in living up to any ideal of happiness, however beautiful.
Its terrible and sacred rage boils underneath the entire self-help project. Its cry for authenticity, for Truth at any cost.
Fuck the lie of the ‘perfect life’; it only makes us depressed, anxious, addicted, and actually feeds our shame and self-loathing and feelings of failure. The constant striving eventually exhausts us, brings us to our knees. It’s too much work for the poor organism, to be ‘positive’ all the time.
The Unconscious is enraged by the lie. And it wants to fucking rest.
But in our exhausted state, afraid even to touch our exhaustion, we turn to medication, energy drinks, drugs, mantras, the gym, more positivity. Or we simply lose ourselves in thought. Or we create a new identity as ‘the depressed one’ or ‘the failure’. Or we simply ‘push through’ the exhaustion and just keep busy, and numb. Keep moving at any cost. Never stop.
Happiness literally makes us unhappy.
Fuck this kind of false happiness. It’s vitally important to make room for the darkness too.
To create space in your life for the grief, the rage, the shame, the fear and the loneliness. To bring these poor, misunderstood creatures out of hiding and into the Light.
If you do not, they will drain your lifeblood like vampires.
Until you listen.
Be willing to expose your unhappiness, too. Give a voice to the sorrow, the anger, the fear, the deep loneliness at the core. Break some taboos. Say the ‘wrong’ thing. Shatter the false image. You may lose followers. You may lose friends. You may lose your job. You will certainly lose your mask.
Change may scare the shit out of you. Good. It’s supposed to.
You may lose everything and you may have to begin life again. But the soul will rejoice. It has been through myriad deaths and rebirths. It couldn’t give a fuck about protecting itself from change. It finds change thrilling, life-giving, erotic even.
There is a bigger Happiness that actually embraces even our deepest unhappiness and does not shame it. This is the Happiness you have always longed for. The Happiness that strips off the mask, destroys our protections, sees our flaws, our vulnerabilities, our deepest sorrows… and accepts and loves us just as we are.
Okay. Here is your new spiritual mantra…
Fuck (the mind’s concept of) happiness. Fuck ‘Namaste’. Fuck trying to be good. Fuck spirituality. Fuck perfection. Fuck fitting in. Fuck all the gods and gurus and guides who fuel the filthy lie of happiness as a destination and a goal. Fuck this narcissistic, self-absorbed, shame-based culture that suppresses the feminine and our gorgeous vulnerability.
Accept it all and fuck it all. Bless it all and fuck it all and love it all. Open your heart to it all. Bless this silly human mind with its conditioned ideas and impossible standards and its never-ending attempts to tell us how we ‘should’ be, or what the ‘right’ thoughts and feelings are.
Fuck the lie of happiness that sends so many to an early grave.
Protect the inner child, the one who feels unhappy, lonely, sad, disconnected, sometimes. Stop telling her to be happy, connected, peaceful, spiritual and blissed-out today. She couldn’t give a fuck. She just wants your love.
Drench the sad and lonely inner one with curiosity, understanding. Breathe into her.
Fuck all the forces of the world that would seek to harm her or silence her.
And when she asks,
“Mommy, Daddy, do I have to be happy and perfect for you to love me?”
You can reply:
“Of course not my love. I love you exactly as you are. I love your flaws and imperfections and your vulnerable heart. They are all so beautiful to me. It’s okay to not feel peaceful. You don’t have to be happy right now. Let’s be unhappy together…”
Now THAT is fucking Happiness.
The number one way to impress me
is by doing what you say you'll do,
and showing a high level of consistency.
That's not hard to do.
So if you can't do something as simple
as keeping your word,
you can't keep my attention.
Watering artificial flowers
will never make them grow.
Stop pouring your energy
into one-sided relationships.
(John Mark Green)
Listen, I'm not here for the kind of 'healing' sold to us on quick-fix inspiration-porn hallmark cards that spiritual bypass us into tomorrow by loving and lighting our way through. Because that's rarely what 'healing' looks like, for so many of us anyway.
Sometimes, more often, true 'healing' will look like war and scars and never-ending layer upon layer upon layer. Sometimes it might look different every single goddamn day and it might be the most exhausting lifelong thing you'll ever do.
And sometimes, yes sometimes, 'healing' might look like the most fierce kind of allyship of your self and of your body that anyone could ever know, even through all of the pain - and I know it's painful darling, I know. And yet that is the kind of 'healing' I am here for - the kind that deals in honest-to-god complexity and doesn't look away when it gets uncomfortable. The kind that holds grief and joy and trauma and love in the same hands and says, yes, all of this. The kind that shows up over and over and over, and then stays, even, and especially, when the one staying with you is you.
And if that, too, is a kind of 'healing', then that's the 'healing' I am here for. I am so here for it. Every day. Every single day.
(Sarah Mariann Martland)
We need to be willing to feel life
and make adjustments to society
as a result of really feeling it.
It is painful to feel this world in its current state.
But it is more painful to spend your life
running from feeling the state of the world.
To do so, is to run from and abandon yourself.
You will find that suffering is not the result
of feeling pain; it is the result of
resisting feeling pain.
There's a revolution
that needs to happen
and it starts from inside
each one of us.
We need to wake up
and fall in love
with the earth.
Our personal and collective
happiness and survival
depends on it.
(Thich Nhat Hanh)
Sometimes self-care is
a safe place
where you can
recharge your magic.
Don’t let society tame or shame
the anger out of you.
Anger is healthy. Anger is informative.
Anger is meant to be felt and released.
When we trade anger for politeness
and silence, our bodies suffer. We suffer.
(Tyndal Elizabeth Schreiner)
I used to wonder how it was possible that Trump could have won given how emotionally toxic and depraved he is. I no longer do. I actually think he won, for that precise reason. Because he had at least one fucked-up part to mirror the fucked-up parts of millions.
If you are a racist, you found your guy. If you are a misogynist, you found your guy. If all you care about is money, you found your guy. If you have an emotionally armored heart, you found your guy. If you make fun of disabled people, you found your guy. If you hate intelligent people, you found your guy. If you are a rapist, you found your guy. If you like golden showers with Russian hookers, you found your guy. If you have not done a stitch of work on your emotional issues, you found your guy. If you are a serial cheater, you found your guy. If you are a perpetual bankrupt, you found your guy. If you don’t pay people for their honest work, you found your guy. If you are a hustler and a conman, you found your guy. If you mock people’s physical appearances, you found your guy. If you long for a toxic Daddy, you found your guy. If you are dissociated and disembodied, you found your guy. If you are unconscionable in all your economic dealings, you found your guy. If you lie day and night, you found your guy. If you have never eaten green vegetables, you found your guy. If you are a white supremacist, you found your guy. If you have a hole in your ego so big that not even the presidency could fill it, you found your guy. If you are a sociopath, and care not one iota about other humans, you found your guy. If you...
If he only had two of these issues, he never would have won. It was the fact that he had hundreds of them, that made him the winner. Because millions of humans are toxic. So they could relate to him, in one form or another. This is why we shouldn’t get too excited when he loses in November. It will be a great relief, to be sure, but we have a much bigger problem than Trump. Too many humans are emotionally unwell, and resonate with toxic masculinity. If we don’t find a way to heal that, there will be another Trump sooner than we think.
Claiming your sovereignty means
owning the fact that your truth
needs to be too much for some people
and that’s appropriate.
If you weren’t too much for some people,
you would just be more of the same.
And the planet doesn’t need
more of the same right now.
That’s why you are here.
Your voice, your gifts, your mojo, your truths are needed more than ever right now.
And for some of us it is the most scary thing to do.
This is one of the most intimate parts of you.
And very often as kids, it got rejected or denied.
Think about the first times you shared a creative idea or even a beautiful creation with a parent, a caregiver or a teacher.
Very often, if it got dismissed repetitively, what you learned at that time is that your gifts, your voice or your truth didn't matter.
Even worse, that it is unsafe to express them or that it can get you in trouble.
Now here is where I am going with this:
Your truth needs to be too much to some of us. This is what makes it so valuable.
Begin to dig into these behaviors that got you the title of "too much".
Your treasures are hiding in there.
Those who are ready will shift with you and those who aren't will leave your space and this is appropriate.
And the beauty of everything is that you can give to yourself right now, in this moment, what your caregivers couldn't.
That's part of claiming that sovereignty.
- 100th Anniversary of Charles Bukowski -
if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
otherwise, don’t even start.
if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
this could mean losing girlfriends,
wives, relatives, jobs and
maybe your mind.
go all the way.
it could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days.
it could mean freezing on a
it could mean jail,
it could mean derision,
isolation is the gift,
all the others are a test of your
how much you really want to
and you’ll do it
despite rejection and the worst odds
and it will be better than
you can imagine.
if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
there is no other feeling like
you will be alone with the gods
and the nights will flame with
do it, do it, do it.
all the way
all the way.
you will ride life straight to
perfect laughter, it’s
the only good fight
If you find yourself no
longer tolerant of people
harming or dishonoring
you, toast yourself.
You are healing.
There are people out there
far less qualified than you
succeeding at doing the
very things you desire to do
all because they had the courage
to believe in and share
their authentic medicine.
There is enough space
for us all to bloom.
Things That Build Self Worth
1. Keeping daily small promises to yourself
2. Saying "no" to something you don’t have
the energy or desire to do
3. Speaking your truth
4. Practicing boundaries
5. Clearly expressing a need +
communicating how it can be met
The result of trauma, is lack of self worth.
When we experience trauma, what we’re experiencing on a deeper level, is disconnection from self. We are not connected to our intuition, our inner knowing, or to our physical body. This is because in order to survive we had to disconnect from our present experience.
We also learned that there were parts of ourselves that were ‘good’ + parts of ourselves that were ‘bad.’ In our earliest attachments (relationships) we were fully dependent.
In order to get love from a parent-figure we unconsciously learned to show parts of ourselves that would be approved of. This is why so many of us betray ourselves. We are still seeking this love. This is why so many of us live as a false self. This is why so many of us experience what is called ‘social anxiety.’ We children, seeking parental approval, performing in adult bodies.
Healing self betrayal is a journey of learning to trust yourself. And when you practice, you’ll see just how easy + “normal” it appears to betray yourself consistently.
Self trust brings self worth. Self worth brings confidence.
Mantra: “When I make a promise to myself, I keep it.
I'm a recovering perfectionist
and an aspiring 'good-enoughist‘.
Cheers to not quite knowing
who you are anymore because
you’ve stopped pretending to be
what other people want or need
you to be and are instead finally
getting to know the truth of you.
The metamorphosis phase often feels like confusion, chaos, and uncertainty but it also often means we're finally clearing out what was never actually ours to carry, do, or be.
Keep discovering until you get to the core of yourself.
Be curious about what you find there.
Take good care, friends.
We tend to imagine solutions
to relationship problems as
being big, dramatic moments
where clouds part, angels sing
and rainbows shoot from our
partner’s butt. But real change
is subtle. And powerful.
It usually begins with boundaries.
Rest assured, some will not jibe with who you are and what you have to say. Some will misunderstand you, while others may understand you perfectly well and simply not like you, for whatever reason. Please remember that all of this has nothing to do with you, not really. We can never own another person's response to our truth. We can only own our willingness to express ourselves honestly, and to do so with as much courage and love as possible.
Please try not to limit yourself - your authentic expression - because of fear of being judged or criticized or made fun of. We are judged and criticized and made fun of no matter how we choose to present ourselves to the world. That's one of the less fun parts of being human.
And yes, it's true that if you keep quiet and blend in or hide yourself completely, you won't attract as much attention or judgment from others. (People are always more comfortable with those who stay silent.)
But...and this is a big BUT...when you hide yourself behind your fears, when you live in a whisper when you were born to sing, you don't begin to invite the same kinds of possibilities, or the same incredible wonders that come with living your life out loud. Not fearless, but brave just the same. So committed to being yourself that you forget how to be anyone else.
More than anything, Free.
So some people think you’re weird,
odd, and perhaps a little crazy.
Well guess what?
You are - and you’re spectacular.
Keep sharing that enchanting,
captivating vibe that allows others
to see just how amazing
personal freedom can be.
You’re an alluring intoxication,
an invigorating ecstasy,
an authentic truth,
and an enthralling adventure.
Be wild, be strange, be bold,
be brave, be a badass.
I have outgrown many things.
I have outgrown relatives who gladly offer criticism but not support.
I have outgrown my need to meet my family’s unrealistic expectations of me.
I have outgrown women who wear masks and secretly rejoice at misfortunes.
I have outgrown shrinking myself for men who are intimidated by my intelligence and outspoken nature.
I have outgrown friends and family who cannot celebrate my accomplishments.
I have outgrown people who conveniently disappear whenever life gets a little dark.
I have outgrown those who take pleasure in gossiping and spreading negativity.
I have outgrown dull, meaningless conversations that feel forced.
I have outgrown those who don’t take a stand against ignorance and injustice.
I have outgrown trying to please everyone.
I have outgrown society constantly telling me I’m not beautiful, smart, or worthy enough.
I have outgrown trying to fix every little flaw.
I have outgrown my tendency to fill my mind with self-doubt and insecurity.
I have outgrown trying to find reasons not to love myself.
I have outgrown anything and anyone that does not enrich the essence of my soul.
I have outgrown many things, and I’ve never felt freer.
the older i get,
the more i realize that
my path is never certain,
i just learn to trust it more
and trust makes all the difference.
To love ourselves, we must first learn
to love the little person inside all of us.
The little boy or girl that didn’t get loved
the way they should, that didn’t feel safe
on the dark nights, and that lived in fear
that they would never be good enough.
We must hold that little person close to us,
pull them on our laps and whisper in their
ears, "everything will be ok, for I am
here now, and I will never leave."
And when we do that, we will become
the love for ourselves we never had.
Here’s the thing:
If you don’t
Energy is contagious,
positive and negative alike.
I will be forever mindful of
what and who I am allowing
into my space.
Soul centered people don’t care about
self-aggrandizement; they don’t want
to be "more spiritual" or "enlightened" -
they want to be real.
They want truth.
They thirst for authenticity.
They want to completely embody
who they are. Because only after
you become fully human; fully integrated
into your beautiful chaos, fully accepting
of it, can you touch the heights of Spirit.
(Aletheia Luna & Mateo Sol)
Are you mainly interested in football and fast cars?
Do you lift weights until your biceps nearly bursts?
Is a meeting with your buddies unthinkable without lots of beer?
Do you only watch action and sci-fi movies?
Do you speak with the deepest possible version of your voice to pretend maximum potency?
Do you walk with a swollen breast and a broad cross like a cockalorum, whenever girls are around?
Is your facial expression always grave, cool and motionless, as if you have everything under control in each moment?
Would you rather die than allowing one single tear to run down your cheeks in front of others?
Do you try to get attention by distancing yourself and playing hide and seek?
Are you a human fortress against feelings and vulnerability?
Yes, sure, it’s a cliche, but if you are honest, you are still full of this rubbish, some more, some less, right?
It is engraved in your cells after so many insane generations.
Do you REALLY think that women like all this?
To me, and I guess to a lot of women, all this is just ridiculous. To me, all this is the absolute opposite of real masculinity.
So I ask you: Are you a real man?
Do you have the balls to be interested in whatever you are really interested in, even if it's knitting or expressive dance?
Do you play whatever sport, maybe even yoga, mainly to improve the connection with your body and to simply feel good?
Are your most attractive attributes your genuine bright smile and your authentic shining eyes, giving us a glance at your magnificent soul?
Do you shift more and more from your solar plexus chakra to your heart chakra because you know that your real strength, which is so needed in these challenging times, comes from there?
Do you listen to your feelings and allow your vulnerability?
When you sense the need to cry, you simply let the tears flow, knowing that this is the total opposite of weakness.
It requires much more courage to admit and express true feelings than to fight on a battlefield.
Do you say “No” and, if necessary, defend your truth with clarity and respect, preserving your strong assertive male energy? Powerful, but not aggressive. A warrior of light.
You don’t have to be an asshole or a roughneck, only to protect yourself from feeling like a pantywaist.
Do you dispense with any games of manipulation or dishonesty to get attention and feel important?
Instead, you use your authenticity and self-love to radiate irresistibility and attract the people you want to have in your life?
Do you know and love your inner child, the little playful and innocent guy inside of you?
You invite him to develop trust again, to share his real feelings. If he wants to sob or scream and longs for a warm hug, you are like a caring father for him.
Is meditation an important part of your life because you crave for remembering who you are? You know that the greatest power, that you can achieve comes from the reconnection with your higher self and the divine.
With this power you serve the universe and change the world.
Ultimately, simply be who you really are, beyond all cliches and restrictions. That’s what makes you a REAL MAN!