You are not responsible for
other people’s stupidity.
It is not for you to try and
Better to just not engage
because people who think narrow
and insular have made up
their minds anyway.
It’s just a drain on your precious energy
which you could be using to hydrate,
feed, and nourish yourself with.
Choose having a cup of tea,
getting some fresh air,
listening to the birds sing and
reading a good book over having
useless human conversations.
I will not have you
without the darkness
that hides within you.
I will not let you have me
without the madness
that makes me.
If our demons
neither can we.
There is a moon inside every human being.
Learn to be companions with it.
A soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone.
For the world has given up on beauty.
It doesn’t believe in fairytales anymore, or happy endings.
So a soul that sees beauty is a soul thought to be insane by the majority.
They call it stuck up, delusional, and abnormal -
all because it sees something better that it can hold out for.
But, if my words mean anything - hold out for that beauty.
Walk alone until you grab it.
The pain of walking alone against the stream
is worth it.
(Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)
Everywhere you look, people are trying to tell you to keep calm.
It’s even become a catchphrase that shows up on tee-shirts, coffee mugs, and calendars, and has kept an annoyingly long half-life on social media newsfeeds. Keep calm and carry on. Keep calm and eat a cupcake. Keep calm and buy more shoes. Keep calm and drink a beer.
Keep calm and numb the feeling. Keep calm and keep quiet. Okay, those last few I haven’t actually seen in print, but it’s started to feel as if that’s what’s really being said here. I mean, why does everyone want us to keep calm?
Here’s an idea: it’s because you’re a force to be reckoned with. It’s because your sacred fury at injustice, your anger over the desecration of our earth, your rebellion against the standards that stifle humanity are dangerous. The force of your activated root chakra threatens the systems that keep the others at bay. They want you to stay calm because they fear you.
So here’s another idea: don’t keep calm. Don’t choke it down. Don’t quiet and numb your feelings. Listen to what they’re telling you. Direct that energy. Use it to make real and lasting change. This too is a method of transmutation.
Emotions are not the enemy. When you’ve already done the work of dismantling your conditioned responses, emotions are important messengers. They are guides. They’re drivers. They show you where you need to act, what you need to do that you’ve procrastinated on, rationalized against, or feared for too long.
They want you to keep calm because they want to limit your power. They want you to keep your head down, to clock in and out of your job, go home and drink or smoke or eat the pressures away while remaining complacent enough to not make any real change.
Well, I say, forget that. Sometimes the most peaceful response is to rebel. Dare to feel it. Stop letting them fool you into thinking that certain emotions should be hindered, forced, denied, or hidden away. Sure, some are comfortable and some aren’t. That’s how it’s supposed to be. That discomfort is there for a reason. It’s trying to tell you something. Listen. Figure out what that message is.
Perhaps that message is about your state of mind. Maybe it’s telling you that it’s time to adjust your thinking. Maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s telling you that it’s time to act, to change something, to say something, to do something.
But if you’re all wrapped up in this Keep calm trend, you’ll never know.
You have to open up. Open up inside and give your heart a chance to speak. Open up and allow those roots that connect you like an umbilical cord to Mother Earth serve their purpose and drive you to protect her and protect her children. Open up and let your gut guide you. Open up and allow your third eye to see something beyond your television screen.
Only in darkness
can we glimpse
the fullest light
our soul carries
When you decide to say
what’s true for you,
some folks are going to
be uncomfortable with it.
You’re not doing it to hurt anyone.
You’re doing it to affirm yourself.
You’re doing it for that kid you were,
and for the person you’re becoming.
GOOD for you.
somehow our souls
all of time and space
to fucking find
and i need no other
miracle on earth
Trauma stays trapped
in our system until
we make time and space
to cultivate a sense of safety
Therapy can’t heal you.
I can’t heal you.
No one can heal you but yourself.
Safety and self-trust are cultivated bit by bit
with each step that you take in a new direction.
Away from people and spaces
that can’t see you clearly
and towards people that can.
Away from people and spaces
that teach you not to trust yourself
and your own higher guidance
and closer to a space of self-trust
and safety within yourself.
When you cultivate this within yourself,
no one can take it away from you.
This is self-mastery.
even though it’s scary to believe it,
you are the creator of your own life.
Our children don’t push our buttons;
they reveal to us the wounds
we have yet to heal.
A little sunlight,
bare feet on
and suddenly life
of a bitch.
We should make more
time for those things.
Emotional maturity in a relationship
is letting your partner know
how you feel before your feelings
make you start an argument
out of nothing.
This higher level of communication
helps you see how so many
old arguments were not actually
about each other.
Tension tries to trick you
into creating more tension.
I won’t just burn
I’ll destroy portals
You are not allowed
near me if all
(Erin Van Vuren)
You have to let go of
the life you could’ve had.
The life you would be living
if you hadn’t made certain choices.
The life that would have unfolded
if you hadn’t let certain people
into your life or if you just hadn’t been
in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Wishing for things to be different and
beating yourself up
for the mistakes you’ve made
won’t change your circumstances.
It’s happened, it’s done,
and this is where you’re at.
And it’s okay.
YOU will be okay.
Your life isn’t over -
it’s just going to be different.
And different doesn’t have to mean bad.
It just means you have to become
more creative with your self-care.
It means you have to find slightly different
ways to navigate the world
and your relationships.
And sometimes, it means
finding new strengths;
strengths that become anchors
and anchors that open new doors.
Doors that lead to new passions and
friendships and connections.
Doors that make you look back and smile
for having doubted the resiliency of life -
for doubting your own resiliency.
You can’t go back and change the past,
but you can decide how you live today.
Your story isn’t over yet.
There may be pain and struggle,
but there are always ways
to make your time here
meaningful and worthwhile.
It might take time,
and it might challenge you,
but the light is there.
There is always a way. I promise.
Your very body is Earth.
Let’s walk gently and
sensibly on this planet.
Learn to love
the parts of you
that scare you the most.
They hold untold stories
of being hurt and
not knowing what to do
with that pain.
When you get close to them,
you will see they are also afraid,
but never unlovable.
We often fail to see,
it’s not that younger version of us
we dislike, or are afraid of,
it’s the stories they carry.
It’s our job to help them navigate
their way out and find us,
their greatest advocate,
standing alongside them…
offering relief, hope, unconditional love.
Believe in yourself.
Know your worth.
Set healthy boundaries.
Trust your intuition.
Lead with love.
To live in this world,
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it against your bones
knowing your own life
depends on it;
and, when the time comes
to let it go, to let it go.
Just because it
hasn’t arrived yet
it’s not coming.
It swims slowly
It rides the river
through the thick
forests and canyons
that have bended and
so that very thing
can reach you.
For healing work to work,
you have to be willing to do
the feeling work.
Sometimes people think they are ready to heal.
But they want to heal without feeling too much.
They don’t want to revisit their wounds and feel all their feelings because they worry it would all get overwhelming.
They think they’ve done a fairly decent job of “dealing” with it, by not dealing with it at all.
Unfortunately, until you don’t pause and deep dive into those dark areas you’re so afraid of, until you’re not willing to feel, you will not heal.
You can’t talk your way out of healing.
You also can’t ‘positive vibes only’ your way out of healing.
No amount of talking about your pain (though this is a very crucial step in the beginning) will help your body release the pain.
No amount of someone else doing the spiritual healing work FOR you, will excuse you from doing YOUR part of the healing work on the physical plane.
In order to heal, there has to be a willingness to feel.⠀
Anything that keeps you from feeling,
is a temporary bandaid.
It only intensifies the pain.
It keeps you identified with it.
The less you think you feel, the more you’re not willing to see.
There’s no easy way out when it comes to trauma recovery.
All those old emotions that scare you need to felt and moved.
The more you avoid the process the more you stay stuck and repeat the cycles, or recreate new toxic patterns as an effect.
There’s no shortcut when it comes to original pain work.
It’s uncomfortable, and, so worth it.
The behaviors that we have
the hardest time letting go of
have been protective for us
in some way, no matter
how much we want to change them.
Are they still?
& if not, what is something that would be
a nurturing way to meet that need?
What do you believe the behavior or area of life you feel rigidity around has tried to protect you from?
Do you still need it to?
Typically, these patterns become more pronounced when we are out of our routines, under stress, or in a transition.
Somewhere along the way, your behavior served a purpose.
Maybe it helped you feel in more control when you felt otherwise out of control as a child.
Maybe it kept you from experiencing being hurt by loved ones.
Maybe it seemingly kept the peace in your family.
What changes when you see that behavior as having served a purpose rather than being something to admonish?
What happens if you ask it to take a step back and allow you to try and manage things on your own?
Our behaviors (conscious or unconscious) reveal a lot about our beliefs.
Do the beliefs you hold about your place in the world still ring true today?
Sometimes I wake up &
have to remind myself:
"There is nothing wrong with me.
I have patterns to unlearn,
new behaviors to embody &
wounds to heal.
But there is nothing wrong
with the core of me & who I am.
I am unlearning generations of harm
and remembering love.
It takes time."
Lovely days don’t come to you,
you should walk to them.
You can’t please everyone
staying true to yourself.
This is where the both/and does NOT exist.
I cannot both please everyone AND stay true to myself.
I’ve yet to meet a person who can, so holler if you’ve found a way.
What’s confronting about this?
To begin, I’d like for you to explore which has been pegged as more important, more safe, more necessary for survival in your life and experiences.
What messaging did you get (explicit or implicit) growing up about being true to yourself or about pleasing those around you?
Maybe you learned you needed to please others in order to keep yourself physically safe.
Maybe you learned that you needed to make others happy in order to keep the peace in your family.
Maybe you learned that in order to get connection from a parent you needed to always say the “right” thing.
What comes up for you here?
Maybe you witnessed others doing the pleasing and that became a model for you.
Maybe you saw someone (or had someone explicitly) encourage staying true to self.
Maybe someone demonstrated healthy boundaries, communicating things that did and did not feel aligned.
Friends, it’s so important for us to explore the origins of these things to understand what templates are driving parts of our lives and if there’s anything needing to be unpacked.
What does this look like in your life right now?
Are there people you please at the expense of staying true to yourself?
Do you know why? What is the threat?
What is scary about staying true to yourself?
What do you believe will happen if you do?
I think one of the hardest things
I’ve learned is that it isn’t
my job to fix things
I didn’t break.
I remember, early one morning several years ago,
while working as a home carer,
I found myself washing faeces
off a man’s giant, swollen testicles.
He was dying of cancer which had spread
throughout his testicles and prostate,
and in the night he had defecated himself
and rolled all around in the mess.
We laughed a lot together and
we chatted about football and
the latest news stories
as I cleaned him up.
He could barely move,
he was so sore and swollen everywhere.
He was myself in disguise.
He had a few weeks to live,
but he was so alive, so in the here-and-now,
without a trace of self-pity.
There was no loss of dignity there –
there was just what was happening
in the moment.
He had somehow found a way
to deeply accept his circumstances,
even though his life had not turned out
the way he had dreamed when he was younger
and he had time to dream.
It took over two hours to get him ready
for his day, to hoist him out of his dirty bed,
to get him toileted and dressed
and into his favourite chair.
He didn’t live for long after that.
But I will always remember him.
Even when covered in our own shit
and without a tomorrow,
we are nothing less than divine.
If you want to know where to find
your contribution to the world,
look at your wounds.
When you learn how to heal them,
Sometimes life will
overwhelm you to
the point of
Your internal capacities
will feel so depleted
that you won’t have
much else to give…
Remember that even
these moments are
usually temporary &
that you will be able to
surface from what seems
like an unsurvivable
(Dr. Mariel Buquè)
May the flowers remind us
why the rain was so necessary.
Severe early childhood trauma created a child with equally intense coping mechanisms - these children are often seen as 'mature for their age' and 'old souls'.
While maybe true, it often negates the fact that their innocence was taken away at an early age and they are in survival mode.