Being able to admit when you are at fault,
is one of the most important relationship
skills you could ever develop.
Being able to stand your ground
when you're not at fault
is one of the most vital individual
skills you could ever develop.
How can you hold both of these
in the balance?
Maybe you're "lost", or maybe you're just beginning the process of finally learning to trust yourself.
When we stop going along with what we've thought we needed to do or who we thought we needed to be, it makes sense why we might feel a little lost... but what if being lost isn't such a bad thing?
Where did we get the idea that we're always supposed to be two steps ahead of ourselves?
Where did we get the idea that we're always supposed to know what's next?
Where did we get the idea that being lost is a sign of failure instead of a sign of possibility?
Sometimes, not knowing is really just proof that you're no longer going along with what you've been told.
Sometimes, being uncertain is really just proof that you're loosening the mask.
Sometimes, having no clue is really just proof that life isn't about always knowing what's next.
Sometimes, being confused is just the middle ground between where you've been and where you're heading.
Sometimes, being in unfamiliar territory is really just proof that you're getting closer to yourself.
What if being lost is a sign that you're fully here?
What if being lost is the ultimate form of presence?
If something burns your soul
with purpose and desire,
it’s your duty to be
reduced to ashes by it.
Any other form of existence
would be yet another dull book
in the library of life.
The word "fuck"
is a form of
The more you
use it the more
being a people pleaser
is a dangerous game.
to give everything to everyone
will require you to give
nothing to yourself.
people pleasing will cost you
your authenticity, your goals,
if you want to be happy,
you have to live your truth
boldly and on your terms.
We have been to the moon,
we have charted the
depths of the ocean
and the heart of the atom,
but we have a fear of
looking inward to ourselves
because we sense that is where
all the contradictions flow together.
Whenever you feel empty or sad,
leave your devices and visit a forest.
Nature’s power will heal you.
Listen to the whispers of the trees,
let Mother Earth hold you.
The fresh air will refresh your Spirit.
Bless yourself with the infinite
love of Earth itself.
(Tara Isis Gerris)
Normal human responses to a global pandemic
that do not need to be pathologized
or treated as abnormal:
• Food and eating challenges & difficulties
• Resurgence of compulsive or addictive behaviours
• Obsessive or intrusive thoughts, memories or fears
• Generalised fear, anxiety, panic & overwhelm
• Depression, dissociation, shutdown, freeze,
• Feelings of abandonment or loneliness or isolation
• Sense of loss of control or powerlessness.
• Anxiety around money, shelter, food, and other
• Past traumas being triggered, activated or
• Health anxiety heightened (about Covid19
• Feeling unheard or unseen amidst the flood of
• Feeling like existing chronic needs are being
• Thoughts and feelings about death and dying
• New and old grief surfacing
• Feelings of anger, irritation and frustration
• Caring for everyone to own detriment.
• Feeling exhausted, fatigued, unmotivated, lethargic
• Hyper-focus, surges of energy, keeping 'doing'
• Immune system depleted, other illnesses starting,
• (List not exhaustive)
AND if you do need support with any of it,
that's okay too.
(Sarah Mariann Martland)
The only way
to make sense
out of change
is to plunge into it,
move with it,
and join the dance.
Blind compassion is rooted in the belief that we are all doing the best that we can.
When we are driven by blind compassion, we cut everyone far too much slack, making excuses for others’ behavior and making nice in situations that require a forceful “no,” an unmistakable voicing of displeasure, or a firm setting and maintaining of boundaries.
These things can, and often should, be done out of love, but blind compassion keeps love too meek, sentenced to wearing a kind face.
This is not the kindness of the Dalai Lama, which is rooted in courage, but rather a kindness rooted in fear, and not just the fear of confrontation, but also the fear of not coming across as a good or spiritual person.
When we are engaged in blind compassion we rarely show any anger, for we not only believe that compassion has to be gentle, we are also frightened of upsetting anyone, especially to the point of their confronting us.
This is reinforced by our judgment of anger, especially in its more fiery forms, as something less than spiritual; something to be equated with ill will, hostility, and aggression; something that should not be there if we were being truly loving.
In blind compassion we don’t know how to - or won’t learn how to - say “no” with any real power, avoiding confrontation at all costs and, as a result, enabling unhealthy patterns to continue.
Our “yes” is then anemic and impotent, devoid of the impact it could have if we were also able to access a clear, strong “no” that emanated from our core.
When we mute our essential voice, our openness is reduced to a permissive gap, an undiscerning embrace, a poorly boundaried receptivity, all of which indicate a lack of compassion for ourselves (in that we don’t adequately protect ourselves).
Blind compassion confuses anger with aggression, forcefulness with violence, judgment with condemnation, exaggerated tolerance with caring, and spiritual correctness with moral maturity.
(Robert Augustus Masters)
If you don’t understand the
crippling anxiety in your body,
you may have dissociated from
your emotions for so long
you have disconnected from
your body to survive trauma.
Dissociation is a method of coping with trauma
by shutting down the emotions.
Mostly it starts early in childhood and
can lead to neglect of the sensations
in the body and continued disconnection.
It's venom for the intuition.
To connect again, it's important to feel
the sensations in the body and remember
that the body is a safe space to be in.
Become the witness to be your own healer.
8 ways to build a deeper relationship
trust your intuition
practice advocating for yourself
prioritize your needs
learn to enjoy your own company
be honest with yourself
hold yourself accountable
be your own best friend
stand in your truth
(Erica C Fraser)
You‘re not a victim
for sharing your story.
You are a survivor
setting the world on fire
with your truth.
And you never know
who needs your light,
and raging courage.
The synchronicities and signs
in our lives, DO NOT make sense
in the middle of the journey.
We are entrusted to follow our instinct,
our intuition, our "gut“ from one to the next
as if we are arranging puzzle pieces on a table
with no idea of what picture they will make.
But it is my solemn promise that in the end…
If you follow the signs in your life,
the picture of your life, your purpose and
your destiny will come into full view.
Every tiny detail which once seemed random,
will instead look like graceful order.
IT WILL ALL make sense and
you will be leveled by the cosmic beauty of it.
And you will realize you were being led
straight to it all along.
Trust your signs.
Safe space is any
space that feels
allows your feelings
to be what they are.
Here it is finally: our first guided meditation with both of our voices.
"Safe in this moment" - a very soothing meditation for challenging times like these.
We had to wait for the right moment to record this meditation because it has a very personal meaning in our own healing process.
Now it comes from the bottom of our souls, and we are delighted with the result.
We hope you will enjoy it too.
May it bring you safety, unconditional love,
soul power, and healing.
We will record more guided meditations soon.
You will have access to them all under the section "Listen" in the menu above.
If you have specific wishes regarding themes, you can contact us via email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Sending you all much love & safety ❤️
Verena & Alex
I like weird people.
They make things awkward.
They make people uncomfortable.
They say & do the things
no-one else in the room
has the balls for.
I like them because
by showing up and
being brave enough
to be themselves,
they give you permission
to do the same.
The years tick on by
and I am realising that
the really beautiful hearts
have dents in them.
That the most beautiful things
in life have been fractured
or cracked a few times.
That there is a grace in
every wrinkle caused by
grief, loss or heartful joy.
That ageing is a deepening
of your roots to this earth.
And scars are birthmarks
of the hero you bring to life
in yourself every time
you get through a hard time.
A trauma survivor attempting to speak up
is one of the most vulnerable moments
they’ll know. If we want to participate in
their healing, we must remind them that
there is a very innocent part of them,
asking to be restored.
The best way to do this is to say
"I believe you."
When was the last time someone reminded you of your innocence?
When was the last time you thought about what it felt like to not feel responsible for the harm that was done to you?
When was the last time you approached your shame with the intent of understanding it’s inappropriate and wildly misplaced message in your mind and body?
This is where inner child work is incredibly impactful. It is normal in beginning this type of work to blame our inner child and want nothing to do with them. We misunderstand that it’s the stories they carry that we are angry about, not them.
Once we begin to understand this, we approach this child with a different view as the innocent kid they were.
Those little versions of us didn’t have the capacity to navigate harmful things happening to them.
They are hungry, if not desperate, to hear about their innocence.
Children are one of the purest forms of humanity we have. It is our honor to contribute a loving reminder, that they were meant to be protected and that they are no longer responsible to carry the weight of this pain.
One practical way to do this is to write a letter to the younger version of you reminding them of what they were meant to encounter and what you’d like to do now to help them feel safe.
Let’s end toxic positivity.
No, you don’t have to "just be happy."
No, it’s not always possible to
"think happy thoughts."
No, you don’t have to always
transmit "good vibes only."
We need people to hold space
for us. We need our feelings and
traumas to be seen and validated,
not plastered with dismissive platitudes.
I am sorry there is fear in the world.
That is what you have come to transform.
I am sorry for the forgetting that causes
dark nights of loneliness for all of you.
You have come to walk in the forgetting
in order to move to the remembering again.
In dark nights, in fear, ask your heart,
"Is this all there is?"
Your heart knows the answer.
BOUNDARIES SOUND LIKE:
"I am not looking for feedback or advice right now"
"I will respond to texts/emails
when I have the time and energy"
"I’m not comfortable sharing that"
"I don’t have the space
to listen right now"
"I respect that we have different opinions
on this and don’t want to continue
Boundaries are our divine right.
When we feel guilty placing boundaries, what we’re actually facing is our codependency conditioning.
When we’ve been raised in homes with codependency, we believe we are responsible for the emotional states of others.
This causes us to feel fear over upsetting people when we place boundaries.
One of the most common questions I get in my community is: “How can I place boundaries without upsetting people?”
The answer is: you can’t.
People who haven’t been modeled boundaries + who don’t place boundaries in their own lives can become highly emotionally activated when we place them.
They might tell us we’re being “selfish” or attempt to shame or guilt us. This is important feedback on their level of emotional maturity.
How we respond to another persons reaction is important feedback around our own emotional maturity.
Sometimes when I’m setting boundaries, I feel fear + my desire to people please coming up. This is all just part of the practice.
Some reminders as you set boundaries:
1. Boundaries are for YOU to set your own limits not to control or demand the behavior of another person
2. People who are attempting to control or demand things from you as you set are showing their own wounding. Practice holding the boundary without engaging in over-explaining or arguing your ‘side.’
3. Boundaries free us from feelings of resentment + being taken advantage of.
4. Women are conditioned from childhood to please + to be ‘polite’ that can make boundaries feel incredibly scary. This is all part of the process of releasing past conditioning + becoming your authentic self.
5. You are not responsible for the emotional state of others. You are responsible for your own emotions + how you respond to them.
(Dr. Nicole LePera)
After trauma, your nervous system
Your focus shifts into survival mode,
& into avoiding any possibility
that the trauma could
ever happen again.
It’s an exhausting way to live.
(Dr. Mariel Buquè)
Lessons From The Cosmos
The idea that there is enough DNA
in each of our bodies,
that if it were laid out end to end
it would stretch between the Sun and Pluto
seven times, and we still treat ourselves
like we are so very small.
The idea that the universe loved us enough
that it painted a perfect picture of itself
in each of our cells to remind us
that it is there always, and yet
we belittle ourselves and
think no one loves us.
The idea that we believe
we are not walking miracles,
even though each footstep confirms it,
each heartbeat is a chorus
from the stars that made us:
“Your existence is valued.
Your existence is needed.”
Go to the secret place where your pain lives.
Forget all that they have told you;
forget all the warnings.
Close your eyes, and breathe into the hurt.
Feel it with all senses.
Let it unfold.
Listen to it.
Just for this moment,
allow it unconditionally.
You have tried everything to repress this agony, to hide it behind the biggest walls you could build in your heart.
But this hiding place didn’t diminish the intensity of the pain in any way.
It pulsates in the background with exactly the same pressure, with exactly the same despair like when it happened.
Can you feel it?
You had to freeze it there, until now.
Now it is safe enough to thaw it.
Yes, you need much courage to break these walls and do the first cautious step into this room of vulnerability.
You feel naked here, without any defense.
Your body shivers fearfully and excited.
This time, you don’t stop at the eye of the needle where it feels like dying. You go further.
Your monkey mind keeps screaming at you:
“ARE YOU INSANE TO GO THERE?“
But you sense immediately that this place contains also a huge part of your liveliness, of your truth.
It attracts you magnetically; you want it back.
You feel now that there is no way around this room. You have to face the pain in order to feel whole again.
So, you go there.
You sit with the pain and cry the desperate tears of your inner child.
You allow these tears to wash away all the dirt, all the darkness that covered your adorable and innocent soul since that day.
Each tear seems to create a mantle of divine protection around you.
Suddenly, you are not frightened anymore; you let all dams break and give up control.
You let yourself burn into this fire of transformation.
Finally. “Ahhhhhh!“ Your soul sighs with relief.
It feels like jumping into a threatening black hole and landing safely into the loving arms of the divine.
Full of gratitude and new awakened vitality, the crying becomes laughter.
Tears of joy and purification run down your cheeks.
You laugh about the divine dry sense of humor: to rediscover your inner light, you had to go to the darkest place inside of you.
Parents are put on pedestals in society.
Especially mothers. Not all of us had loving,
nurturing mothers or parents.
One of the hardest things to do
is leave your toxic family as an adult.
Often times what happens when we do this
we are met with criticism.
Furthering the guilt and shame we already feel.
“Just forgive them”,
“you only have one mother”,
“you should try harder”,
“she’s going to die soon”...
It’s not your responsibility to fix things,
help someone “see”, abandon yourself
to keep family dysfunction intact.
Give yourself permission to walk away,
take a break. No explanation needed!
Avoiding certain people
to protect your mental health
is not a weakness…
If ever there is a tomorrow
when we're not together…
there is something you
must always remember.
You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
But the most important thing is,
even if we're apart…
I'll always be with you.
You are deserving of relief.
Of that weight being lifted off your shoulders.
You were not put on this world to save others,
carry the burden of your family secrets,
be an adult when you were meant to be a child,
or be okay when you weren’t… or aren’t.
You were not put on this world to make sure
that you don’t "disrupt the peace"
in order to protect those around you,
or to live out the dreams of others
just because they fell short.
You are here to walk your path,
find peace where there was once pain,
chaos, and suffering, and walk your own self
towards your healing.
What burden do you carry with you?
What expectations from others have been put upon you? What secrets have you had to carry? What roles did you assume (or continue) that were not yours to absorb?
It’s time to take a look, friends.
Where are you living for others instead of living for yourself? Whose lane are you in? Are you protecting someone else by carrying something on your shoulders? Are you playing by a set of rules you don’t actually agree with?
It’s time to reflect. It’s time to see if there’s a part of your story that needs a new operating system.
What do you need to shed? What do you need to let go of? What do you need to surrender?
Lean into the origin stories, origin beliefs, and the origin roles that you took on.
See what’s there.
See what doesn’t want to be there.
Be with it and notice.
If you aren’t honest about who you are
and what you want at the start of a relationship,
you will have to continuously self-abandon
to maintain the connection.
Conforming to someone’s expectations
by pretending to be someone you’re not
might catch their attention at first,
but it won’t last.
Your anxiety about being found out
will be all consuming.
Building a relationship based on lies
is like building a house on quicksand.
When you pretend to be someone else
or act like you want different things,
you are setting yourself up for failure.
Surely, there is someone out there
with the same interests as you,
no matter how niche they may be.
Don’t waste your time pretending to be
someone you’re not to ease your
attachment anxiety and
catch someone’s interest.
Lasting relationships are based on
vulnerability and honesty.
There is no reason to self-abandon -
an as equally quirky person is out there
who is just your kind of weird.
I’m stronger because I had to be.
Smarter because of my mistakes.
Happier because of the sadness I’ve known.
And wiser because I’ve learned.
not only with
the words you say
but with the words
you don’t say.
Too many people
are dying with
in their belly,
and it may come
as a surprise to you
how many people
truly just need
to hear the words
"it’s going to be okay."